A message from Dena Jensen
Dear Readers,
As it is the New Year's Eve, I found this appropriate to post. I think
we can look back on this year of 2012 and see the changes in the world.
Our New Years' are usually brought in with reflection of the past year,
and resolutions of the New Year. I propose to make changes within you
and when chaging, seek the best you, and the most happy you in those
changes. This year make it about a true change of personal growth. Be
happy and excited for this new you!
Thank you for reading our Posts and as you continue to read, my dad and I will continue to post.
Happy New Year to all!
We are always changing
Your approach to your marriage might be expanded by considering a change of heart or what is sometimes called an awakening of the spirit. This is convincing when reading the case studies in William James's (1842-1910) classice book, "Varities of Religious Experience".
William James is known as the father of American Psychology, and he reported firsthand accounts of persons who had an awakening of their spirit that was strong enough to immediately and dramatically change their behavior, thinking and lives. This then leads us to another story:
Bob
was a health enthusiastic and euqally dedicated to maintaining his
mind. He kept both mind and body in great shape. Bob was rational,
analytical, and thoughful. When relationg with his wife he had the
energy to give a lot of attention to her. He provided her everything and
yet she found her relationship with him had no "zip, zing or spice". She found him lacking. Realizing this he tried to tell more jokes, travel to extoci destinations, and meet more friends of her liking. But, nothing he did helped, and though he tried to change, he still remained quite boring and unintersting. Can he change, should he change? If so, how could it happen?
Decades ago, it was popular in psychology deptartments to teach a course ono individual differences. A book entitled,
"Stability and Change in Human Characteristics", by Benjamin Bloom was
often used. Benjamin Bloom convincingly showed that this matter about stability and change was a central question that needed and answer. Now, half a century later, there is still no accepted resolution to the question of stabillity and change.
In
general, we act as if each individual were a stable material object.
However, when much reflection is given to this question, the answer is
in favor of emphasizing change. You and I, and all people change during
the course of their life. During the year,
during the day, and even each moment. It is more useful to conclude
that in understanding people we are dealing with constantly changing entities and not stable objects. Wouldn't you agree?
With the question of mind, body, and spirit, there is a quantitive jump in complexity. We know the changes in the mind influence the body. we know that bodily changes dramatically alter the mind, but now we add the spirit and the interactions jump multifold. Those who seem to know most about the spirit point out that the spirit also changes. Experssions as: "The Sprit Soared", "The spirit was strong that day", and "The experience seem to have broken his spirit", lead to the belief that people's spirits range from strong and vibrant to weak or dead. Sometimes it seems that the spirit departs for a period of time and we feel the absence. Differences in spirit are said to vary from person to person, and within the person, from time to time and place to place. Whenever this happens, people are changed.
Thus,
when we consider that all of us are constantly changing it is foolish
to fight personal change or try to project an image that we are a
finished product. Pretending that we are stable will clash with the truth, and increased unwanted personal instability will be one of the by products.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Choosing To Be Good
Choosing to be good is the surest way to live free.
This concept is a little hard to explain. However, maybe this true story about a grandfather who lived his whole life on a homestead in Star Valley, Wyoming will help you understand the message I am trying to convene.
Lorenzo was a poor dairy farmer. With little money, and having to milk his cows twice a day, 365 days a year, he hardly had any free time, nor could he afford to do things most men would choose to do. It would seem that his poverty robbed him of what many would consider freedom. Yet, this man was happy, laughed a lot, and had few complaints that could not be handled through humor. He enjoyed the respect of his family and friends. Twice a day he would offer prayers of gratitude to the Lord. He loved his horse, dog, grandchildren, and sons who worked on the farm with him. He was known for his honesty, kindness, and good nature. By living a good life, by living truthfully, by living true to his conscience, could it be said that he was living free?
In our society, the core question of political, economic, legal and metaphysical philosophy is the question of freedom. It is also an obsession among the general population to be personally free. While this question may not be as important as those presented earlier the freedom question will not go away. So, at this time you might want to reexamine, "How free am I?"
This question and answer that you pose, however, depends on the definition of freedom. Often freedom is associated with the term, "agency", referring to the belief that people are free agents. In the usual way of thinking, refers to having the conditions and opportunity to have choices, to say and do as one pleases. Another definition refers to the ability to make choices. A more profound and deep understanding of freedom has to do with how you live. Are some ways of living the key to being free?
In this last way of defining freedom it is how you live that determines your true and honest experiences of human freedom. Inthe simpilist terms, it is defining freedom as that state of being that occurs when living a life that is congruent with your true nature or conscience. The relevance of this discussion about freedom is that in marriage both husband amd wife often complain of losing their freedom. That complaint has merit according to some of the definitions, but in reality, both marriage partners can experience a more joyful and complete feeling of freedom by living true to their conscience.
The important point to recognize is that in marriage more of the problems, decisions, choices, and opportunities will be about non-material things. It is here that the successful marriage pertner will benefit from taking advantage of the many opportunities to choose and seek a life based on meaningfulness.
This concept is a little hard to explain. However, maybe this true story about a grandfather who lived his whole life on a homestead in Star Valley, Wyoming will help you understand the message I am trying to convene.
Lorenzo was a poor dairy farmer. With little money, and having to milk his cows twice a day, 365 days a year, he hardly had any free time, nor could he afford to do things most men would choose to do. It would seem that his poverty robbed him of what many would consider freedom. Yet, this man was happy, laughed a lot, and had few complaints that could not be handled through humor. He enjoyed the respect of his family and friends. Twice a day he would offer prayers of gratitude to the Lord. He loved his horse, dog, grandchildren, and sons who worked on the farm with him. He was known for his honesty, kindness, and good nature. By living a good life, by living truthfully, by living true to his conscience, could it be said that he was living free?
In our society, the core question of political, economic, legal and metaphysical philosophy is the question of freedom. It is also an obsession among the general population to be personally free. While this question may not be as important as those presented earlier the freedom question will not go away. So, at this time you might want to reexamine, "How free am I?"
This question and answer that you pose, however, depends on the definition of freedom. Often freedom is associated with the term, "agency", referring to the belief that people are free agents. In the usual way of thinking, refers to having the conditions and opportunity to have choices, to say and do as one pleases. Another definition refers to the ability to make choices. A more profound and deep understanding of freedom has to do with how you live. Are some ways of living the key to being free?
In this last way of defining freedom it is how you live that determines your true and honest experiences of human freedom. Inthe simpilist terms, it is defining freedom as that state of being that occurs when living a life that is congruent with your true nature or conscience. The relevance of this discussion about freedom is that in marriage both husband amd wife often complain of losing their freedom. That complaint has merit according to some of the definitions, but in reality, both marriage partners can experience a more joyful and complete feeling of freedom by living true to their conscience.
The important point to recognize is that in marriage more of the problems, decisions, choices, and opportunities will be about non-material things. It is here that the successful marriage pertner will benefit from taking advantage of the many opportunities to choose and seek a life based on meaningfulness.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Seek A Meaningful Life And Happiness Will Follow
Everyone faces this motivational question. You probably have guessed it by now, but these illustrations and examples introduce a new concept. Here is the next story:
Two beautiful girls graduated from high school and searched for the good life. The responsibilites of parenthood soon fell upon Wilma. The other, named Sue, had a talent for art and design and found she could create, sew, and sell fashoinable clothes to "high- end" and very glamorous people.While Wilma struggled with a marriage, she dedicated her life to her children. After a second divorce with her second husband, she cared for her three children. Meanwhile, Sue had one child, but eventually chose to live unattached by marriage. She associated with a fast crowd, having boyfriends, alcohol, and drugs while living in exotic cities.
Now they are both old and still good friends. Eventually Wilma found that family and religion provided meaning for her life. She is the most cheerful person you could meet, filled with gratitude for the love and respect she recieves daily from her husband and many children, and even grandchildren. Sue, however was motivated more to seek life's pleasures not the meaning of life. Now she has no husband and only a distant son. Her life is hard now and as her beauty slips, she is trying to give up drinking and worries about the lack of sales and the difficulty of sewing with arthritic hands. If you saw them during their early twenties you likely would have concluded that seeking happienss through pleasure was the way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to see at a young age that you can find pleasure from seeking a meaningful life, but not a meaning life through pleasure seeking.
From Freud's Pleasure Principle to B.F.Skinner's Reinforcers The Driving Force in life is said to be hedonistic personal pleasure. It certainly doesn't require a Ph.D. to know that men like pleasure, and like all animals try to avoid pain.
This fundamental truth was known from day one, and requires little time to recognize that each day you spend time trying to do more pleasurable things and want to spend less time doing things whoch are troublesome, painful, annoying and frustrating. This is a true and correct principle. It could be considered a basic law of human behavior.
But we also sometimes know we willingly accept a great dealof pain and difficulties to do something that we might consider meaningful.
One winter, you might have shoveled a neighbor's side walk because you thought it was s good thing to do. At the onset you knew and later it was confirmed that your face and fingers would become cold. You had discomfort of putting on and off your boots, and perhaps you even huffed and puffed, and felt muscle strain while exerting yourself.
An athlete in training experiences pain in physical workout. A father puts up with much unpleasantry working at a butcher shop in order to send his son or daughter to college. It is not hard to find examples of meaning trumping pain and pleasure.
Both living to maximize pleasure and living to find meaning in life and true descriptions of of the human condition. They are opposites, but they both operate in our lives. It is good to live a life of pleasure, even joy, as long as it is a solid and true principle.
The desire to first seek meaning and purpose in life is not meant to destroy or replace the pleasure principle, but it could be seen as a higher law. While both motivations are correct, you must choose for your life whether one or the other is more important. You will eventually choose to guide your life by one or the other. Nothing dooms a marriage faster than building it around each partner's personal pleasure. Each partner will soon find that all too often getting their pleasure takes away or interferes with their partner's way of increasing momentary pleasure. The simple word for this is selfihness. On the other hand, a marriage is unequalled in providing meaning and purpose for living, and especially living for another.
Two beautiful girls graduated from high school and searched for the good life. The responsibilites of parenthood soon fell upon Wilma. The other, named Sue, had a talent for art and design and found she could create, sew, and sell fashoinable clothes to "high- end" and very glamorous people.While Wilma struggled with a marriage, she dedicated her life to her children. After a second divorce with her second husband, she cared for her three children. Meanwhile, Sue had one child, but eventually chose to live unattached by marriage. She associated with a fast crowd, having boyfriends, alcohol, and drugs while living in exotic cities.
Now they are both old and still good friends. Eventually Wilma found that family and religion provided meaning for her life. She is the most cheerful person you could meet, filled with gratitude for the love and respect she recieves daily from her husband and many children, and even grandchildren. Sue, however was motivated more to seek life's pleasures not the meaning of life. Now she has no husband and only a distant son. Her life is hard now and as her beauty slips, she is trying to give up drinking and worries about the lack of sales and the difficulty of sewing with arthritic hands. If you saw them during their early twenties you likely would have concluded that seeking happienss through pleasure was the way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to see at a young age that you can find pleasure from seeking a meaningful life, but not a meaning life through pleasure seeking.
From Freud's Pleasure Principle to B.F.Skinner's Reinforcers The Driving Force in life is said to be hedonistic personal pleasure. It certainly doesn't require a Ph.D. to know that men like pleasure, and like all animals try to avoid pain.
This fundamental truth was known from day one, and requires little time to recognize that each day you spend time trying to do more pleasurable things and want to spend less time doing things whoch are troublesome, painful, annoying and frustrating. This is a true and correct principle. It could be considered a basic law of human behavior.
But we also sometimes know we willingly accept a great dealof pain and difficulties to do something that we might consider meaningful.
One winter, you might have shoveled a neighbor's side walk because you thought it was s good thing to do. At the onset you knew and later it was confirmed that your face and fingers would become cold. You had discomfort of putting on and off your boots, and perhaps you even huffed and puffed, and felt muscle strain while exerting yourself.
An athlete in training experiences pain in physical workout. A father puts up with much unpleasantry working at a butcher shop in order to send his son or daughter to college. It is not hard to find examples of meaning trumping pain and pleasure.
Both living to maximize pleasure and living to find meaning in life and true descriptions of of the human condition. They are opposites, but they both operate in our lives. It is good to live a life of pleasure, even joy, as long as it is a solid and true principle.
The desire to first seek meaning and purpose in life is not meant to destroy or replace the pleasure principle, but it could be seen as a higher law. While both motivations are correct, you must choose for your life whether one or the other is more important. You will eventually choose to guide your life by one or the other. Nothing dooms a marriage faster than building it around each partner's personal pleasure. Each partner will soon find that all too often getting their pleasure takes away or interferes with their partner's way of increasing momentary pleasure. The simple word for this is selfihness. On the other hand, a marriage is unequalled in providing meaning and purpose for living, and especially living for another.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The Conscience Is More Than Social Learning
Throughout
the centuries, references have been made to a conscience. Sometimes it
has been called a moral sensitivity, an inner knowledge. or a voice that
idnetifies right and wrong, the good and bad. In the twentith century,
it has been associated with religion, however, even secular humanists
refer to a conscience; as do political and social theorists. It seems to
be accepted distnct and universal attribute. Perhaps one of hte most
intersting explanations of conscience or something like conscience, has
been made by social biologists. In the writings of E.O. Wilson, the
evolutionary biologist, there is an excellent account of how moral
sensitivity or altruism has a genetic basis and improves reproductive
fitness.
In most cases, the explanations such as those given by the social biologists ans some philosophers refer to something innate and inherited. Conscience is seen as part of the basic makeup of humans.
It was long into the marriage when John discovered that the disputes about right and wrong were misguided activities. When he and Joan decided to change the goal to being good rahter than being right, the disputes seemed to evaporate. The advantage in an argument about right or wrong goes to the person who has hte best debating skills and is the most aggressive in the argument and that was not John.
Now, after John and his wife stopped approaching their disagreements by trying to determine who was right and instead asked each other, "What is the right thing to do?" things changed dramatically. When searching for what was good, John found he was not at a disadvantage. There was no advantage to the best debater, because they appealed to their conscience rather than intellect. Of course, they did not always get the same answer when they listened to their conscience. It was, however, easier to let go of their own position and consider the answer the other found when searching for what was good. This is hard to do when searching for what is right. Thus, if you believe you have a conscience you might as well use it and if you use your conscience you will come to realize how fast many personal disagreements will melt before your eyes when searching foro what it the good thing to do."
For most social psychologists, conscience refers to learning social norms. But, if you define conscience as simply the learning of social morals and taboos, you probably would have naswered this question in the negative because you can dispense with the belief in a conscience and simply explain it as the aquistition of cultural teachings about right and wrong. In philisophical discussions of ethics, something similar to an innate capacity to recognize and know about good and bad, right and wrong is frequently proposed.
So, now you see that it is also important that you come to some conclusion about whether you believe you have a conscience. If you do, then your conscience will become extremely important for becoming the best marriage partner.
In most cases, the explanations such as those given by the social biologists ans some philosophers refer to something innate and inherited. Conscience is seen as part of the basic makeup of humans.
It was long into the marriage when John discovered that the disputes about right and wrong were misguided activities. When he and Joan decided to change the goal to being good rahter than being right, the disputes seemed to evaporate. The advantage in an argument about right or wrong goes to the person who has hte best debating skills and is the most aggressive in the argument and that was not John.
Now, after John and his wife stopped approaching their disagreements by trying to determine who was right and instead asked each other, "What is the right thing to do?" things changed dramatically. When searching for what was good, John found he was not at a disadvantage. There was no advantage to the best debater, because they appealed to their conscience rather than intellect. Of course, they did not always get the same answer when they listened to their conscience. It was, however, easier to let go of their own position and consider the answer the other found when searching for what was good. This is hard to do when searching for what is right. Thus, if you believe you have a conscience you might as well use it and if you use your conscience you will come to realize how fast many personal disagreements will melt before your eyes when searching foro what it the good thing to do."
For most social psychologists, conscience refers to learning social norms. But, if you define conscience as simply the learning of social morals and taboos, you probably would have naswered this question in the negative because you can dispense with the belief in a conscience and simply explain it as the aquistition of cultural teachings about right and wrong. In philisophical discussions of ethics, something similar to an innate capacity to recognize and know about good and bad, right and wrong is frequently proposed.
So, now you see that it is also important that you come to some conclusion about whether you believe you have a conscience. If you do, then your conscience will become extremely important for becoming the best marriage partner.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide In Your Marriage
An appeal to conscience is found in all cultures in all times.
An artist can draw a picture of the conscinece sitting on a woman's shoulder, and whispering in her ear. This is a humorous visulization, but, let us hope that it doesn't trivialize this important resource for aquiring truth and knowledge. Maybe we should worry about the impact of the following conversation:
The postmodernist skeptic: So, you claim to be my conscience. Actuyally, you are nothing more than just an emotional reaction mixed with teh things taught while growing up: nothing more.
The conscience: Sorry, but let me help you understand that in all these conversations we are having, you are not just talking to yourself.
The postmodernist: Okay, so you exsist, but why do some people have you and some people don't?
The conscience: I'm there for all. I am with people, however, there is no snse in sticking around if a person won't listen to me. I even leave when a person listens, but consistently choooses to act contrary to what I tell them. Yes, I can see why you would falsely conclude that some poeple don't have a conscience.
The postmodernist: How convenient for you. You disappear when things don't go your way.
The conscience: You don't understand my motives. I want to be with each and every person. My motivation is to stay and not leave. I'm always available, but each person can choose to tune me out. Furthermore, once a person freely chooses to act contrary to what I say, they do not want me to be with them.
The postmodernist: Interesting; just what I thought. Freedom is more powerful than conscience.
Conscience: Yes, but freedom needs conscience more than conscince needs freedom.
At a later point in time, we will discuss about living free and truthful. You may be surprised to learn that living according to your conscience is the only way to truly live free. But, before discussing in more depth it is well known that people through all times and in all place report that they are able to be informed by their conscience. People who recieve this type of guidance most often place it above all other forms knowledge. Some are so trusting and so dedicated to this knowledge, coming from their conscience, that they will forfiet their life rather than violate their conscience. It is rooted in the deepest feelings as well as intellect.
As mentioned, the problem with this kind of knowledge is that it does not give the same answers to all people. Everyone seems to have their own conscience and sometimes listening to one's conscience may cause Person A to flee and Person B to fight. Is there a way to reconcile these opposite responses both based on the conscience?
If you are to trust your own conscience it would be well to understand these contradicitons between what conscience tells different people. Can this problem be resolved?
A most straightforward answer is that what is absolutely right for Person A might be absolutely wrong for Person B, based on the differences in the persons, the time, and the circumstances. This is due to context and is not to be confused with relativism. This does not mean that there is no absolute truth and that all is relative to each person's conscience. It means that each person recieves an assurity that they are acting according tot heir conscience, even though the answer may not be the same as that recieved by someone else. This, indeed, is a complex question. But, to live free you must come to terms with your own conscience, and decide to trust your conscience. Put conscience in the very center of your marriage, but before doing this, more needs to be said about following your conscince.
We will discuss this in next weeks' post.
An artist can draw a picture of the conscinece sitting on a woman's shoulder, and whispering in her ear. This is a humorous visulization, but, let us hope that it doesn't trivialize this important resource for aquiring truth and knowledge. Maybe we should worry about the impact of the following conversation:
The postmodernist skeptic: So, you claim to be my conscience. Actuyally, you are nothing more than just an emotional reaction mixed with teh things taught while growing up: nothing more.
The conscience: Sorry, but let me help you understand that in all these conversations we are having, you are not just talking to yourself.
The postmodernist: Okay, so you exsist, but why do some people have you and some people don't?
The conscience: I'm there for all. I am with people, however, there is no snse in sticking around if a person won't listen to me. I even leave when a person listens, but consistently choooses to act contrary to what I tell them. Yes, I can see why you would falsely conclude that some poeple don't have a conscience.
The postmodernist: How convenient for you. You disappear when things don't go your way.
The conscience: You don't understand my motives. I want to be with each and every person. My motivation is to stay and not leave. I'm always available, but each person can choose to tune me out. Furthermore, once a person freely chooses to act contrary to what I say, they do not want me to be with them.
The postmodernist: Interesting; just what I thought. Freedom is more powerful than conscience.
Conscience: Yes, but freedom needs conscience more than conscince needs freedom.
At a later point in time, we will discuss about living free and truthful. You may be surprised to learn that living according to your conscience is the only way to truly live free. But, before discussing in more depth it is well known that people through all times and in all place report that they are able to be informed by their conscience. People who recieve this type of guidance most often place it above all other forms knowledge. Some are so trusting and so dedicated to this knowledge, coming from their conscience, that they will forfiet their life rather than violate their conscience. It is rooted in the deepest feelings as well as intellect.
As mentioned, the problem with this kind of knowledge is that it does not give the same answers to all people. Everyone seems to have their own conscience and sometimes listening to one's conscience may cause Person A to flee and Person B to fight. Is there a way to reconcile these opposite responses both based on the conscience?
If you are to trust your own conscience it would be well to understand these contradicitons between what conscience tells different people. Can this problem be resolved?
A most straightforward answer is that what is absolutely right for Person A might be absolutely wrong for Person B, based on the differences in the persons, the time, and the circumstances. This is due to context and is not to be confused with relativism. This does not mean that there is no absolute truth and that all is relative to each person's conscience. It means that each person recieves an assurity that they are acting according tot heir conscience, even though the answer may not be the same as that recieved by someone else. This, indeed, is a complex question. But, to live free you must come to terms with your own conscience, and decide to trust your conscience. Put conscience in the very center of your marriage, but before doing this, more needs to be said about following your conscince.
We will discuss this in next weeks' post.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Subjective and Objective Truths
"Life's meanings come from subjective as well as objective truths."
Professor Jensen encountered this kinid of knowledge when studying hte easrly existentialists, Martin Heidigger (1889-1976) and Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1885) in a seminar with graduate students.
These early existentialists, who are known as deep thinkers, talk in complicated ways about the most simplest things. These two existentialsists have helped scholars realize that there is a different way to view the world and to gain knowledge. There is a subjective type of knowing that is more fundamental, than a scientific analysis of what Kierkegaard calls objective truth.
This experimental type of know is for Heidigger, the most important way to find meaning in both material objects and ourselves.
So, for students who want, need and maybe demand an academic base for this, we will use this insight from existential philosophy.
Existentialism is concerned with both the nature of knowing and also the nature of being a person.
Now, also consider what is probably the most profound statement ever made by a philosopher. It was set forth as the foundation of his work by the father of philosophy, Rene Descartes (1596-1640).
He was searching for the one truth about which a person can be absolutely certain. His conclusion was that he knew for certain, that he existed. In other words, one can only be certain of one's own existence. Thus his famous statement, "I think therefore I am". Even a child knows this to be true. First we accept that we exist, and then we explore what we become.
"Know thyself", "To thine own self be true", "Just be yourself", are a sampling of advice you have undoubtedly heard. Why must you consciously work to accomplish the obvious? Who else could you be, and aren't you always aware of just who you are.
Who else would you know you better than yourself? For are you not with yourself 24 hours each day and everyday? Maybe it is easier to understand the popularity og these sayings if you remember the popular phrase, "The unexamined life is not worth living!"
The conclusion to all this is that to be the best possible marriage partner, friend, person you can be, you must know "What are we?" Then, use the most sensible and appropriate methods to understand the illusive and hard to observe spirit of your partner. Omitted is an even more important way to respond to the spirit of the one you love.
Professor Jensen encountered this kinid of knowledge when studying hte easrly existentialists, Martin Heidigger (1889-1976) and Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1885) in a seminar with graduate students.
These early existentialists, who are known as deep thinkers, talk in complicated ways about the most simplest things. These two existentialsists have helped scholars realize that there is a different way to view the world and to gain knowledge. There is a subjective type of knowing that is more fundamental, than a scientific analysis of what Kierkegaard calls objective truth.
This experimental type of know is for Heidigger, the most important way to find meaning in both material objects and ourselves.
So, for students who want, need and maybe demand an academic base for this, we will use this insight from existential philosophy.
Existentialism is concerned with both the nature of knowing and also the nature of being a person.
Now, also consider what is probably the most profound statement ever made by a philosopher. It was set forth as the foundation of his work by the father of philosophy, Rene Descartes (1596-1640).
He was searching for the one truth about which a person can be absolutely certain. His conclusion was that he knew for certain, that he existed. In other words, one can only be certain of one's own existence. Thus his famous statement, "I think therefore I am". Even a child knows this to be true. First we accept that we exist, and then we explore what we become.
"Know thyself", "To thine own self be true", "Just be yourself", are a sampling of advice you have undoubtedly heard. Why must you consciously work to accomplish the obvious? Who else could you be, and aren't you always aware of just who you are.
Who else would you know you better than yourself? For are you not with yourself 24 hours each day and everyday? Maybe it is easier to understand the popularity og these sayings if you remember the popular phrase, "The unexamined life is not worth living!"
The conclusion to all this is that to be the best possible marriage partner, friend, person you can be, you must know "What are we?" Then, use the most sensible and appropriate methods to understand the illusive and hard to observe spirit of your partner. Omitted is an even more important way to respond to the spirit of the one you love.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Experimental Learning
At
one point in time, Professor Jensen was helping one of his students
find a journal were they could submit research. He was surprised to find
one called, "The Journal Of Experimental Education". After he published
the article, he realized that this kind of learning is the basis of
what we refer to as common sense. It is important to call this learning
to your attention. It should not be overlooked.
Same daughter: Mom, how much help were those books you read and the classes?
Same mother: Of course they helped but, experience or learning from day to day has proven to be the most valuable kind of learning.
Do you think there were no good parents or marriage partners before there were classes and books on understanding each other?
Daughter: But, is this kind of learning reliable and valid?
Mother: Well, thousands each day make life and death decisions based on this kind of knowledge ans do so with equal or more confidence than decisions based on academic information. I use this knowledge first and even doubt other information if it is not in harmony or consistent with what I know from my years of experience.
Daughter: Do you think that what you said is a little self aggrandizing?
Mother: Now that you mention it, yes, it sounds that way. Sorry, but wasn't it you who told me that Dad thought I understood him best? I never found your dad in anything I read!
There is a kind of knowledge which comes from experimental living. This is the living we do from infancy to death. We live and interact with people. We learn from meeting them and accepting them in a way which they become part of our experiential world.
Experiential refers to the way that we interpret everyday objects. events, and people as they appear and as they present themselves to us. This is definitely informational learning. Perhaps it is the most important type of learning that brings about an understanding of others and our self.
In addition tot he direct experiential living we have, one on one with the objects of the world and other people there are interactions with the knowledge and truth statements that exists in our culture. Here we find information by reading literature,listening to wise people, reflecting and introspecting on our daily observations, paying attention to our traditions, recalling and observing interactions of people with each other, reading, religious practices and instruction, and all the other ways we learn in our jobs, schools, churches, and private lives.
These interactions and learning gradually accumulate to tell us much about who we are and the people we live with. We come to know individuals directly, but we also acquire certain abstractions and concepts about people in general. Some of us are much better attuned, interested, and intellectually capable of benefiting from this kind of learning, and usually such people share what they have learned. Thus we learn from one another and from our own experiences a type of truth and knowledge which is unequaled and irreplaceable for optimal understanding in your marriage.
Same daughter: Mom, how much help were those books you read and the classes?
Same mother: Of course they helped but, experience or learning from day to day has proven to be the most valuable kind of learning.
Do you think there were no good parents or marriage partners before there were classes and books on understanding each other?
Daughter: But, is this kind of learning reliable and valid?
Mother: Well, thousands each day make life and death decisions based on this kind of knowledge ans do so with equal or more confidence than decisions based on academic information. I use this knowledge first and even doubt other information if it is not in harmony or consistent with what I know from my years of experience.
Daughter: Do you think that what you said is a little self aggrandizing?
Mother: Now that you mention it, yes, it sounds that way. Sorry, but wasn't it you who told me that Dad thought I understood him best? I never found your dad in anything I read!
There is a kind of knowledge which comes from experimental living. This is the living we do from infancy to death. We live and interact with people. We learn from meeting them and accepting them in a way which they become part of our experiential world.
Experiential refers to the way that we interpret everyday objects. events, and people as they appear and as they present themselves to us. This is definitely informational learning. Perhaps it is the most important type of learning that brings about an understanding of others and our self.
In addition tot he direct experiential living we have, one on one with the objects of the world and other people there are interactions with the knowledge and truth statements that exists in our culture. Here we find information by reading literature,listening to wise people, reflecting and introspecting on our daily observations, paying attention to our traditions, recalling and observing interactions of people with each other, reading, religious practices and instruction, and all the other ways we learn in our jobs, schools, churches, and private lives.
These interactions and learning gradually accumulate to tell us much about who we are and the people we live with. We come to know individuals directly, but we also acquire certain abstractions and concepts about people in general. Some of us are much better attuned, interested, and intellectually capable of benefiting from this kind of learning, and usually such people share what they have learned. Thus we learn from one another and from our own experiences a type of truth and knowledge which is unequaled and irreplaceable for optimal understanding in your marriage.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Loving Service
As I have mentioned in prior writings, we have established that we are not static electricity randomly "floating" through space and time. We all have a soul, or a spirit and we all have individual value with more substance than just being placed here. Agreeing with this or knowing this can further help us understand each other and our spouses or loved ones in greater depth. In keeping with this topic and while reading the following, keep that in mind.
Here is a story that has taken many times, many places, in different languages and cultures. The issues, surroundings of the individuals might change, but the message will remain the same.
Daughter: Dad said you understand him better than anyone in his life. How do you do it? In fact, you understand me better than anyone else. Mom, what is your secret? Tell me how you do it.
Mother: Well first, you should realize that there are many ways and I use them all. But, there is one way that is a sure thing. By far it is the best way.
Daughter: Well, tell me, but first, let me get a pen. I want to write it all down.
Mother: A pen isn't necessary, in fact it is so simple and basic, but many people don't think about it. If you could sum up understanding someone into one word, it would be "Service". In one sentence, I would say, "Begin each day with your spouse with loving service".
Daughter: Do you have plans and goals when you do this?
Mother: Oh, no, nothing like that. It is almost like happiness. If you seek happiness, it will elude you. However, if you live right, happiness will find you. So it is with loving service. When you serve another person you just come to know that person in a way that can not be equaled.
Daughter: Maybe that is why so many wives understand their husbands better more than they are understood by their husbands.
Mother: (chuckle) That is a humorous way of looking at it. But the principle also works with for the men whom I have met. When they care, help, and see their lives as being the the service of their families, they become men with more understanding. You naturally come to understand those whom you serve.
When students are asked, "Who knows you best?", they do not say, "My Therapist." Usually they say, "My mom", and secondly they say, "My dad". The mother and the father are examples of someone who has served them, loved them, or has shared their life with them first. They are not the people who are particularly astute in knowing laws and abstractions about human behavior. They are people who have lived, worked, loved, and shared a world together. How artificial is it to try to understand someone else in an office. To best understand another person, you need to do things together like: eat, work on a job, share stories, take care of one another when sick, and live with them in a loving, serving and unselfish way. Does this not sound like marriage? Does this not tell you about another way to truly understand people, especially those who you love the most? This conclusion is just the opposite of what we usually think is the way to precede with helping and understanding.
Here is a story that has taken many times, many places, in different languages and cultures. The issues, surroundings of the individuals might change, but the message will remain the same.
Daughter: Dad said you understand him better than anyone in his life. How do you do it? In fact, you understand me better than anyone else. Mom, what is your secret? Tell me how you do it.
Mother: Well first, you should realize that there are many ways and I use them all. But, there is one way that is a sure thing. By far it is the best way.
Daughter: Well, tell me, but first, let me get a pen. I want to write it all down.
Mother: A pen isn't necessary, in fact it is so simple and basic, but many people don't think about it. If you could sum up understanding someone into one word, it would be "Service". In one sentence, I would say, "Begin each day with your spouse with loving service".
Daughter: Do you have plans and goals when you do this?
Mother: Oh, no, nothing like that. It is almost like happiness. If you seek happiness, it will elude you. However, if you live right, happiness will find you. So it is with loving service. When you serve another person you just come to know that person in a way that can not be equaled.
Daughter: Maybe that is why so many wives understand their husbands better more than they are understood by their husbands.
Mother: (chuckle) That is a humorous way of looking at it. But the principle also works with for the men whom I have met. When they care, help, and see their lives as being the the service of their families, they become men with more understanding. You naturally come to understand those whom you serve.
When students are asked, "Who knows you best?", they do not say, "My Therapist." Usually they say, "My mom", and secondly they say, "My dad". The mother and the father are examples of someone who has served them, loved them, or has shared their life with them first. They are not the people who are particularly astute in knowing laws and abstractions about human behavior. They are people who have lived, worked, loved, and shared a world together. How artificial is it to try to understand someone else in an office. To best understand another person, you need to do things together like: eat, work on a job, share stories, take care of one another when sick, and live with them in a loving, serving and unselfish way. Does this not sound like marriage? Does this not tell you about another way to truly understand people, especially those who you love the most? This conclusion is just the opposite of what we usually think is the way to precede with helping and understanding.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Resoning
This post was written by Professor Jensen and revised and posted by Dena Jensen
It is good to be called rational, but don't be satisfied with the compliment.
The following story will help yeild some light and clarification about the power and limits of reasoning.
Bright Student: I just detest the debates I have with you. Through your cleverness your logic make up, seem down, black turns to white, and good becomes bad.
Professor: Well, don't take is seriously. It is a game and a good game with rules. I just know how to play it better than you.
Bright Student: But, It isnt a game for me. I want to use my mind to find truth. I want to think clearly. I want to use logic to find truth and prove it to others.
Professor: Well, you might think you are proving something to another if you find them a little less intelligent. Of course, don't plan on really disovering truth with your logic.
Bright Student: Why?
Professor: Well, because for thousands of years the best minds have tried and failed You are not doing yourself a favor if you use reason alone. Don't rely on reason by itsself to find the final answers to the big questions.
Bright Student: So?
Professor: Be happy. Be happy you have a good mind, that you can use your thinking skills so well, that you can use your gifts to enhance and improve you personal life. But, remember to be humble. Humility is the gift that is limited in what it can give you and more limited in convincing others.
To understand what this professor is trying to convey, it is important to think logically. It is useful to consider two types of reasoning. The first is scientific, which has for it's basis sensory data. The other kind of reasoning has for its foundation fundamental propositions or premises that are believed to be infallible. Some call them different things, we can call them assumptions. In this case, we begin with these acceptable premises, or propositions, then proceed with mental calculations which supposedly guide us to knowledge and truth. It must be obvious to you that the conclusions reached through the most careful and astute reasoning can be no better than the propositions upon which they rest.
In the case of scientific reasoning, the conclusions will be wrong if the sensory data is incorrect to start with. As with the other kind of reasoning, the conclusions will be false if the fundamental permse or preposition was in error. For example, if you begin your reasoning with a fundamental belief that people are basically good or people are basically bad, the conclusions reached will be different. Reasoning is a tool used to supplement and expand what may or may not be true beginnings. Furthermoreit can be easily shown that the mental calculations used in reasoning can lead to inaccurate conclusions through falty reasoning. Problems in reasoning are easily demonstrated in introductory courses in logic.
Now, with this realization that there are problems inherent in both sensory and rational approaches to knowledge, you will still, like most people, use and trust each. So, when you believe that you are a practical person you simply mean that you are capable of employing your senses and reasoning to come to better conclusions. So, what if you use both reasoning and sensory observations together, at the same time? This is scientific reasoning.
For an interesting discussion on Scientific Reasoning click here.
It is good to be called rational, but don't be satisfied with the compliment.
The following story will help yeild some light and clarification about the power and limits of reasoning.
Bright Student: I just detest the debates I have with you. Through your cleverness your logic make up, seem down, black turns to white, and good becomes bad.
Professor: Well, don't take is seriously. It is a game and a good game with rules. I just know how to play it better than you.
Bright Student: But, It isnt a game for me. I want to use my mind to find truth. I want to think clearly. I want to use logic to find truth and prove it to others.
Professor: Well, you might think you are proving something to another if you find them a little less intelligent. Of course, don't plan on really disovering truth with your logic.
Bright Student: Why?
Professor: Well, because for thousands of years the best minds have tried and failed You are not doing yourself a favor if you use reason alone. Don't rely on reason by itsself to find the final answers to the big questions.
Bright Student: So?
Professor: Be happy. Be happy you have a good mind, that you can use your thinking skills so well, that you can use your gifts to enhance and improve you personal life. But, remember to be humble. Humility is the gift that is limited in what it can give you and more limited in convincing others.
To understand what this professor is trying to convey, it is important to think logically. It is useful to consider two types of reasoning. The first is scientific, which has for it's basis sensory data. The other kind of reasoning has for its foundation fundamental propositions or premises that are believed to be infallible. Some call them different things, we can call them assumptions. In this case, we begin with these acceptable premises, or propositions, then proceed with mental calculations which supposedly guide us to knowledge and truth. It must be obvious to you that the conclusions reached through the most careful and astute reasoning can be no better than the propositions upon which they rest.
In the case of scientific reasoning, the conclusions will be wrong if the sensory data is incorrect to start with. As with the other kind of reasoning, the conclusions will be false if the fundamental permse or preposition was in error. For example, if you begin your reasoning with a fundamental belief that people are basically good or people are basically bad, the conclusions reached will be different. Reasoning is a tool used to supplement and expand what may or may not be true beginnings. Furthermoreit can be easily shown that the mental calculations used in reasoning can lead to inaccurate conclusions through falty reasoning. Problems in reasoning are easily demonstrated in introductory courses in logic.
Now, with this realization that there are problems inherent in both sensory and rational approaches to knowledge, you will still, like most people, use and trust each. So, when you believe that you are a practical person you simply mean that you are capable of employing your senses and reasoning to come to better conclusions. So, what if you use both reasoning and sensory observations together, at the same time? This is scientific reasoning.
For an interesting discussion on Scientific Reasoning click here.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Can Science Know All?
The modern world is built upon science that cannot know all.
The difficulty is that science has proven itself to be the most powerful method of finding truth ever conceived, and this may lead to some to turn their backs on all the other methods.This can put you in a disadvantage when it comes to understand people.
Think for a bit of a (possible) conversation between a Psychologist Professor and a Parent.
Professor: You would like to know which Parenting Theory is best?
Parent: Yes, but not just which one is best, but true. Which theory has the most scientific proof?
Professor: Actually, you are asking at least three questions:
What is best?
What is true?
What is scientific?
I think you will have an answer to all three when you consider that no credible, informed and honest scientist will claim that his methods can adequately study what cannot be observed or measured.
Thus, when you expressed a belief that each person has a spirit and that spirit has something to do with directing, then science will not be able to adequately nor fully explain what you need to know.
Parent: So are you saying that I can not turn to science for my answers to my parenting questions?
Professor: Not quite. Sure, you can turn to science for such answers; many will be very good. But don't expect to find a scientific theory that is adequate to explain, predict, or completely inform you with all you want to or need to know about parenting.
Parent: So, where do I turn?
Professor: Turn to science for important information about regularities in behavior, growth patterns, correlations between behaviors and environment. Science provides many good insights about such matters. But now knowing this, also realize that in psychology alone there are hundreds of theories. It would be foolish to select one theory on the basis that it is scientifically true. A genuine scientist will not pretend that he can adequately study the most important aspect of a person, which is that of the will, soul or spirit or . whatever you call it
Again, the greatest and most dramatic illustration of truth finding through the sensory, is the use of sensory of information and reasoning through science.
Everyone must be impressed with the undeniable achievements of science in the physical world. Scientific disciplines are staffed with men who have proven themselves exceptional in using the scientific method to uncover truth and knowledge.
Therefore, without dispute, science is the foundation for truth and knowledge in our technically based society. However, you should be aware honest scientists will tell you directly that they cannot, and in fact do not, want to use this method to tell you about things that are not based on empirical observation. If you believe that people are more a material body, then you must turn to other methods for a complete and understanding of your marriage.
The difficulty is that science has proven itself to be the most powerful method of finding truth ever conceived, and this may lead to some to turn their backs on all the other methods.This can put you in a disadvantage when it comes to understand people.
Think for a bit of a (possible) conversation between a Psychologist Professor and a Parent.
Professor: You would like to know which Parenting Theory is best?
Parent: Yes, but not just which one is best, but true. Which theory has the most scientific proof?
Professor: Actually, you are asking at least three questions:
What is best?
What is true?
What is scientific?
I think you will have an answer to all three when you consider that no credible, informed and honest scientist will claim that his methods can adequately study what cannot be observed or measured.
Thus, when you expressed a belief that each person has a spirit and that spirit has something to do with directing, then science will not be able to adequately nor fully explain what you need to know.
Parent: So are you saying that I can not turn to science for my answers to my parenting questions?
Professor: Not quite. Sure, you can turn to science for such answers; many will be very good. But don't expect to find a scientific theory that is adequate to explain, predict, or completely inform you with all you want to or need to know about parenting.
Parent: So, where do I turn?
Professor: Turn to science for important information about regularities in behavior, growth patterns, correlations between behaviors and environment. Science provides many good insights about such matters. But now knowing this, also realize that in psychology alone there are hundreds of theories. It would be foolish to select one theory on the basis that it is scientifically true. A genuine scientist will not pretend that he can adequately study the most important aspect of a person, which is that of the will, soul or spirit or . whatever you call it
Again, the greatest and most dramatic illustration of truth finding through the sensory, is the use of sensory of information and reasoning through science.
Everyone must be impressed with the undeniable achievements of science in the physical world. Scientific disciplines are staffed with men who have proven themselves exceptional in using the scientific method to uncover truth and knowledge.
Therefore, without dispute, science is the foundation for truth and knowledge in our technically based society. However, you should be aware honest scientists will tell you directly that they cannot, and in fact do not, want to use this method to tell you about things that are not based on empirical observation. If you believe that people are more a material body, then you must turn to other methods for a complete and understanding of your marriage.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
We Must Know More Than We Observe
Post Written By Professor Jensen and Dena Jensen
Businessman: It is truly amazing that you can fool my sense like that. Making things appear and disappear like that.
Magician: Actually such illusions can and do happen all the time. I just stage things to fool the senses of sight, touch and hearing in order to impress. I don't use my knowledge to deceive.
Businessman: But, I could be deceived so easily. I see or should I say, I know that now.
Magician: But, if you are aware of the possibility of your senses fooling you, you can then be on guard not to be fooled but still trust your senses because you must use them daily to wisely deal with the world we live in.
Businessman: Yes, but my most important problems are about my family. I want certainty. I want what I see and hear to be true. Can I also be deceived there?
Magician: Of course. In fact, you have less assurance that what you se and hear when observing people is true. People are much more difficult to observe than physical sight and sounds! Beware!
Businessman: So, what then?
Magician: To be successful with your family you must see and hear more than what you observe.
Rarely you are warned about your senses deceiving you.
Instead you hear things like, "I have to see it to believe it", "I'd have to hear that from the source." These two common phrases are associated with the belief that the most certain knowledge is what we can see or hear.
However, anyone that is acquainted with psychology or philosophy in the early part of the 20th Century knows that what comes to the eyes or ears is not what exists in nature. All sensory input is altered, changed and interpreted by the mind. The popularity and skill of the magician is based on the fact that our senses do not give us an exact certain representation of the physical world.
Bertand Russell (1872-1970), philosopher of science, explains that the color, texture and shape of a table may be very different from what we actually receive through the senses and yet we always know it to be the same table.
We usually admire the man that says, "Show me or prove it to me first." Proving something, or "proving it" means to provide sensory evidence that something is there. And yet, there are many times in our existence where we must act with out this kind of knowledge to survive and prosper. We need to be aware that our hard to observe feelings are a part of reality. Unobservables do guide us to appropriate actions with our marriage partners, especially our feelings and emotions, which are very important in a marriage.
A high level of observable objectivity is of great value, however, it alone cannot answer life's questions about another spirit, feelings and emotions.
Sometimes we must make subjective judgements in the absence of sensory data. It is necessary to add reasoning, to go beyond what we observe.
Here is a good quote about knowledge, "To be successful with people you must first know more than you can observe"
Here
we have a fictitious Father, who was self employed, self made
Businessman. He was very serious and never had time for nonsense. He was
impatient with his cousin, whose employment was an avid magician. Let
us get a glimpse of conversation they are having about what can be
trusted. Let's see how the remarks ended:
Businessman: It is truly amazing that you can fool my sense like that. Making things appear and disappear like that.
Magician: Actually such illusions can and do happen all the time. I just stage things to fool the senses of sight, touch and hearing in order to impress. I don't use my knowledge to deceive.
Businessman: But, I could be deceived so easily. I see or should I say, I know that now.
Magician: But, if you are aware of the possibility of your senses fooling you, you can then be on guard not to be fooled but still trust your senses because you must use them daily to wisely deal with the world we live in.
Businessman: Yes, but my most important problems are about my family. I want certainty. I want what I see and hear to be true. Can I also be deceived there?
Magician: Of course. In fact, you have less assurance that what you se and hear when observing people is true. People are much more difficult to observe than physical sight and sounds! Beware!
Businessman: So, what then?
Magician: To be successful with your family you must see and hear more than what you observe.
Rarely you are warned about your senses deceiving you.
Instead you hear things like, "I have to see it to believe it", "I'd have to hear that from the source." These two common phrases are associated with the belief that the most certain knowledge is what we can see or hear.
However, anyone that is acquainted with psychology or philosophy in the early part of the 20th Century knows that what comes to the eyes or ears is not what exists in nature. All sensory input is altered, changed and interpreted by the mind. The popularity and skill of the magician is based on the fact that our senses do not give us an exact certain representation of the physical world.
Bertand Russell (1872-1970), philosopher of science, explains that the color, texture and shape of a table may be very different from what we actually receive through the senses and yet we always know it to be the same table.
We usually admire the man that says, "Show me or prove it to me first." Proving something, or "proving it" means to provide sensory evidence that something is there. And yet, there are many times in our existence where we must act with out this kind of knowledge to survive and prosper. We need to be aware that our hard to observe feelings are a part of reality. Unobservables do guide us to appropriate actions with our marriage partners, especially our feelings and emotions, which are very important in a marriage.
A high level of observable objectivity is of great value, however, it alone cannot answer life's questions about another spirit, feelings and emotions.
Sometimes we must make subjective judgements in the absence of sensory data. It is necessary to add reasoning, to go beyond what we observe.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Use Many Ways To Find Truth and Knowledge
This post is a collaboration by Professor Larry Jensen and Dena Jensen
I
worry about a very limiting belief. It is that there is only one source
of knowledge. As many of us already know, the standard for truth in
modern society is science. Science defines truth as a standard in courts
of law, legislation, public and private debates, and just about
everything else. When we want to understand the material or natural
world, we must use this unequaled method. We need science. We loves
science. But, must we sometimes look beyond science for other source of
truth and knowledge?
We are then faced with these questions:
- How much do I trust my senses?
- How much do I trust my reasoning?
- How much do I trust science?
- How much do I trust my consequences?
- How much do I trust my general abstractions?
- How much do I trust common sense?
Please ask yourself to consider this; "How much do I trust the different paths to knowledge?" This question must weigh in your knowledge and must be considered before accepting what you know to be truth.
We propose to over the next couple of weeks find an opportunity to consider how you trust the different ways you come to know things.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
A Person Is A Happening
The belief that body, spirit and mind are separate entities working in unison has some very practical applications for marriage, please take the following example in consideration:
A young mother, let's call her Kendra, has a wonderful spirit when it comes to loving, helping, and brightening lives of everyone she touches. However, she can't find enough time to get a good night's sleep, or take time to eat. She is constantly going. Yes, everything is working around her. Her mind is fine, her spirit and her body are fine. But, we have to ask ourselves, "Will this last?" No, this can not last. She needs to take better care of herself. While the body, mind and spirit work together as a unit, they each needs its distinct and precise care, but different from each other. It is easier to see the effects of the poorly maintained, care and fueling on the body, but spirit mind need equal attention.
In these modern times, we can pretty much agree that the body and mind are connected. Same is true for those who believe that the body and spirit are inseparable. Combined in one unit, we might refer to the body and spirit as the soul. However, those two combined people believe they are unitary, coordinate, or inseparable beings there is no denying that we have separate words for them and they are distinct and separate enmeshed in a whole person.
One way to answer this mind, body, and spirit question is to say that a person is not an object, but a happening. This concept is not a new one. This notion is borrowed from the existential philosopher Martin Heidigger (1889-1976). His idea of the unified person never being a static object, but rather a being that is continually changing and unfolding. Many people who have adapted this idea have added that a person can not separate environment and not from others with whom the person is interacting. This is especially applicable to marriage. Constant change and progression will always be a part of understanding a marriage partner, and another person. In understanding the body is continually changing, we will see that the spirit and mind change as well. We can call this unified being as a person or even a happening. Adding to this we can say that each marriage is even more of a happening.
This important message is you and your partner are more than just a body. When you think of your marriage as more than just static placement, your marriage will result in a richer and more complete way of living together.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
A Person Is An Agent
In a class for family improvement, the following story was told:
In a busy airport, a middle aged mother purchased a sack of cookies at the gift shop next to her gate. She was so deep in thought and after a few minutes was surprised to see the man next to her casually taking a cookie from the sack. She was astonished at his rudeness, and to let him know better she also took a cookie and conspicuously ate it so he would get the idea. Feeling her space had been invaded she let him know by reaching in the bag for another and gave him a serious look. He did not even seem to mind nor did he get the idea as he took another. His reaction was not as she intended as he just smiled and reached for yet another. Then into her mind raced the calloused selfish, antagonistic memory of her father and how she had to protect herself from men like him all her life. She took another and so did he until there was only one cookie left. To add further insult, he took the last cookie, broke it in half and offered it to her. She could stand this no more and with tears she stood up and rushed to her gate. At the gate she opened her purse for a tissue to wipe her eyes and there noticed her sack of unopened cookies.
This story can illustrate a large number of human attributes. It can even be an introduction to the idea that how we respond is a choice we make because we are autonomic.
As autonomic beings, we can choose how to respond to situations. In the story, the man chose to respond with a smile and good feelings and even tried sharing the last cookie. The woman on the other hand chose to see herself as a victim. Of course there were other extenuating circumstances, such as misinterpretation of ownership of the sack, and she might have had good reason to see the worst in men.
Let us consider a true and extreme example of a man who had reason to be bitter but chose to find love and goodness and kindness.
As autonomic beings, we can choose how to respond to situations. In the story, the man chose to respond with a smile and good feelings and even tried sharing the last cookie. The woman on the other hand chose to see herself as a victim. Of course there were other extenuating circumstances, such as misinterpretation of ownership of the sack, and she might have had good reason to see the worst in men.
Let us consider a true and extreme example of a man who had reason to be bitter but chose to find love and goodness and kindness.
A
law-abiding physician was arrested and sent to a Concentration Camp.
There he suffered tragic losses and received inhumane treatment for
years. He did survive and wrote a bestselling book explaining how he was
able to be free even in a totally controlled environment. He came to
believe that we can always be free. His book is called, “Man’s Search
for Meaning,” His name is Victor Frankl (1905). While all his basic
rights and freedom were taken away, they could not take away his right
to choose what kind of person he choose to be. Thus he remained free and
this is precisely the point; you are a free agent.
You are free to choose how you act towards others, how you treat others, how you love your family.
You are also free to choose how you think, and then act upon those positive thoughts.
You may not be able to direct and change many things but you can choose how you will be and respond. For those that believe a person consists of a body, mind, and also spirit, the question of agentic freedom is clear. You can choose to be free.
Furthermore if the spirit is the enduring component rather than the body then should not freedom questions focus on the spirit? If so, does the body and mind influence the spirit? It is equally important to ask, “Does the spirit influence the body and the mind?” Answering these questions for yourself will be your first step to becoming a better marriage partner.
You are free to choose how you act towards others, how you treat others, how you love your family.
You are also free to choose how you think, and then act upon those positive thoughts.
You may not be able to direct and change many things but you can choose how you will be and respond. For those that believe a person consists of a body, mind, and also spirit, the question of agentic freedom is clear. You can choose to be free.
Furthermore if the spirit is the enduring component rather than the body then should not freedom questions focus on the spirit? If so, does the body and mind influence the spirit? It is equally important to ask, “Does the spirit influence the body and the mind?” Answering these questions for yourself will be your first step to becoming a better marriage partner.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
What Are We?
This blog is written by Professor Larry Jensen and Dena Jensen
A person is a body, mind and spirit
The old time philosophical and recent
psychological belief that within everyone there dwells an innate
intelligence that we are more than just existing, or that we are "more"
than just the body we have.
This intelligence is the belief that we
have a spirit or we have a self. Typically this spirit is thought to
exist in a timeless way.
When you believe that you are more than
just brain and body and that you have a spirit, you can see that those
you come into contact with, also has a spirit. If you believe that your
spirit and others spirits have enduring qualities, then everything you conclude about yourself and the one you love will be different.
When we believe that we have spirits
and we are all different and our existence is more than just the body
and brain we have, then we can conclude that this spirit existed long before our bodies. We can also conclude that our spirits will endure long after our bodies have turned to dust. If we conclude this
belief then the logical and central core of our existence is our fundamental belief and key in understanding our marriage. In valuing your spouse as a being with a spirit, your marriage in turn has a deeper meaning, because you will be valuing your spouse with that deep understanding.
Here is an example:
The old woman was skipping and almost
dancing as she flittered around the large hall. The program was over
and the cleanup had begun. Her eyes beamed as she moved among those
clearing tables and visiting. She held my attention as I thought her
childish actions were unbecoming of a person her age. "Who does she
think she is?" "She should act her age."
Then suddenly, everything changed.
The grandmother transformed into a little girl. I saw her in her youth. I
saw within the old body a young vibrant spirit. My criticisms melted. I
felt so good watching her enjoy life. I felt she was so lucky to still
have a young and joyful spirit. I felt I was fortunate to be able to, at
that moment, see more that meets the eye.
When seeing the old woman as more than just a worn body, for a slight moment her spirit was seen.
In any relationship with anyone, if we
see people who this student saw this old woman, we will be practicing
the key to a good relationship. This will further our relationship with
becoming a better marriage partner.
First and foremost, we all were and will be spirits.
This is not mentioned in Marriage and
Family textbooks. However, in these books there is a one hundred
percent agreement that each person has a body of material that can, by
physicists be reduced and/ or identified into smaller matter and smaller
units. Not everyone will agree as to what the units are. However, all
will agree that people are reducible to some kind of matter and energy.
The next one hundred agreement is we all have our own unique mind. The
popular belief is that the brain is the mind.
So then we are left with a third element to this deep philosophical point of "What Are We?"
All of the religions we have in this
vast earth, namely Christians, Judaism, Islam, along with many countable
other religions believe that the spirit is part of the person or the
person is part of the spirit. Non-religious scholars and philosophers
often refer to man's spirit. Usually, spirits are to exist before,
during and after ones life. This belief is found in nearly all religious
writings. Nowhere is it stated more directly than in Job 32:8.."But
there is a spirit in man; and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth
them understanding"...
You are a spirit and either you married a spirit or you plan on marrying a spirit. To become the best marriage partner you can possibly be, you must understand the spirit, as well as the body, and the mind.
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