A Person Is An Agent

 In a class for family improvement, the following story was told:

In a busy airport, a middle aged mother purchased a sack of cookies at the gift shop next to her gate. She was so deep in thought and after a few minutes was surprised to see the man next to her casually taking a cookie from the sack. She was astonished at his rudeness, and to let him know better she also took a cookie and conspicuously ate it so he would get the idea. Feeling her space had been invaded she let him know by reaching in the bag for another and gave him a serious look. He did not even seem to mind nor did he get the idea as he took another. His reaction was not as she intended as he just smiled and reached for yet another. Then into her mind raced the calloused selfish, antagonistic memory of her father and how she had to protect herself from men like him all her life. She took another and so did he until there was only one cookie left. To add further insult, he took the last cookie, broke it in half and offered it to her. She could stand this no more and with tears she stood up and rushed to her gate. At the gate she opened her purse for a tissue to wipe her eyes and there noticed her sack of unopened cookies. 

This story can illustrate a large number of human attributes. It can even be an introduction to the idea that how we respond is a choice we make because we are autonomic. 
  As autonomic beings, we can choose how to respond to situations. In the story, the man chose to respond with a smile and good feelings and even tried sharing the last cookie. The woman on the other hand chose to see herself as a victim. Of course there were other extenuating circumstances, such as misinterpretation of ownership of the sack, and she might have had good reason to see the worst in men. 

 Let us consider a true and extreme example of a man who had reason to be bitter but chose to find love and goodness and kindness. 

A law-abiding physician was arrested and sent to a Concentration Camp. There he suffered tragic losses and received inhumane treatment for years. He did survive and wrote a bestselling book explaining how he was able to be free even in a totally controlled environment. He came to believe that we can  always  be free. His book is called, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” His name is Victor Frankl (1905). While all his basic rights and freedom were taken away, they could not take away his right to choose what kind of person he choose to be. Thus he remained free and this is precisely the point; you are a free agent.  
  You are free to choose how you act towards others, how you treat others, how you love your family. 
You are also free to choose how you think, and then act upon those positive thoughts. 
You may not be able to direct and change many things but you can choose how you will be and respond. For those that believe a person consists of a body, mind, and also spirit, the question of agentic freedom is clear. You can choose to be free. 
 Furthermore if the spirit is the enduring component rather than the body then should not freedom questions focus on the spirit? If so, does the body and mind influence the spirit?  It is equally important to ask, “Does the spirit influence the body and the mind?”  Answering these questions for yourself will be your first step to becoming a better marriage partner.