A message from Dena Jensen
Dear Readers,
As it is the New Year's Eve, I found this appropriate to post. I think
we can look back on this year of 2012 and see the changes in the world.
Our New Years' are usually brought in with reflection of the past year,
and resolutions of the New Year. I propose to make changes within you
and when chaging, seek the best you, and the most happy you in those
changes. This year make it about a true change of personal growth. Be
happy and excited for this new you!
Thank you for reading our Posts and as you continue to read, my dad and I will continue to post.
Happy New Year to all!
We are always changing
Your approach to your marriage might be expanded by considering a change of heart or what is sometimes called an awakening of the spirit. This is convincing when reading the case studies in William James's (1842-1910) classice book, "Varities of Religious Experience".
William James is known as the father of American Psychology, and he reported firsthand accounts of persons who had an awakening of their spirit that was strong enough to immediately and dramatically change their behavior, thinking and lives. This then leads us to another story:
Bob
was a health enthusiastic and euqally dedicated to maintaining his
mind. He kept both mind and body in great shape. Bob was rational,
analytical, and thoughful. When relationg with his wife he had the
energy to give a lot of attention to her. He provided her everything and
yet she found her relationship with him had no "zip, zing or spice". She found him lacking. Realizing this he tried to tell more jokes, travel to extoci destinations, and meet more friends of her liking. But, nothing he did helped, and though he tried to change, he still remained quite boring and unintersting. Can he change, should he change? If so, how could it happen?
Decades ago, it was popular in psychology deptartments to teach a course ono individual differences. A book entitled,
"Stability and Change in Human Characteristics", by Benjamin Bloom was
often used. Benjamin Bloom convincingly showed that this matter about stability and change was a central question that needed and answer. Now, half a century later, there is still no accepted resolution to the question of stabillity and change.
In
general, we act as if each individual were a stable material object.
However, when much reflection is given to this question, the answer is
in favor of emphasizing change. You and I, and all people change during
the course of their life. During the year,
during the day, and even each moment. It is more useful to conclude
that in understanding people we are dealing with constantly changing entities and not stable objects. Wouldn't you agree?
With the question of mind, body, and spirit, there is a quantitive jump in complexity. We know the changes in the mind influence the body. we know that bodily changes dramatically alter the mind, but now we add the spirit and the interactions jump multifold. Those who seem to know most about the spirit point out that the spirit also changes. Experssions as: "The Sprit Soared", "The spirit was strong that day", and "The experience seem to have broken his spirit", lead to the belief that people's spirits range from strong and vibrant to weak or dead. Sometimes it seems that the spirit departs for a period of time and we feel the absence. Differences in spirit are said to vary from person to person, and within the person, from time to time and place to place. Whenever this happens, people are changed.
Thus,
when we consider that all of us are constantly changing it is foolish
to fight personal change or try to project an image that we are a
finished product. Pretending that we are stable will clash with the truth, and increased unwanted personal instability will be one of the by products.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Choosing To Be Good
Choosing to be good is the surest way to live free.
This concept is a little hard to explain. However, maybe this true story about a grandfather who lived his whole life on a homestead in Star Valley, Wyoming will help you understand the message I am trying to convene.
Lorenzo was a poor dairy farmer. With little money, and having to milk his cows twice a day, 365 days a year, he hardly had any free time, nor could he afford to do things most men would choose to do. It would seem that his poverty robbed him of what many would consider freedom. Yet, this man was happy, laughed a lot, and had few complaints that could not be handled through humor. He enjoyed the respect of his family and friends. Twice a day he would offer prayers of gratitude to the Lord. He loved his horse, dog, grandchildren, and sons who worked on the farm with him. He was known for his honesty, kindness, and good nature. By living a good life, by living truthfully, by living true to his conscience, could it be said that he was living free?
In our society, the core question of political, economic, legal and metaphysical philosophy is the question of freedom. It is also an obsession among the general population to be personally free. While this question may not be as important as those presented earlier the freedom question will not go away. So, at this time you might want to reexamine, "How free am I?"
This question and answer that you pose, however, depends on the definition of freedom. Often freedom is associated with the term, "agency", referring to the belief that people are free agents. In the usual way of thinking, refers to having the conditions and opportunity to have choices, to say and do as one pleases. Another definition refers to the ability to make choices. A more profound and deep understanding of freedom has to do with how you live. Are some ways of living the key to being free?
In this last way of defining freedom it is how you live that determines your true and honest experiences of human freedom. Inthe simpilist terms, it is defining freedom as that state of being that occurs when living a life that is congruent with your true nature or conscience. The relevance of this discussion about freedom is that in marriage both husband amd wife often complain of losing their freedom. That complaint has merit according to some of the definitions, but in reality, both marriage partners can experience a more joyful and complete feeling of freedom by living true to their conscience.
The important point to recognize is that in marriage more of the problems, decisions, choices, and opportunities will be about non-material things. It is here that the successful marriage pertner will benefit from taking advantage of the many opportunities to choose and seek a life based on meaningfulness.
This concept is a little hard to explain. However, maybe this true story about a grandfather who lived his whole life on a homestead in Star Valley, Wyoming will help you understand the message I am trying to convene.
Lorenzo was a poor dairy farmer. With little money, and having to milk his cows twice a day, 365 days a year, he hardly had any free time, nor could he afford to do things most men would choose to do. It would seem that his poverty robbed him of what many would consider freedom. Yet, this man was happy, laughed a lot, and had few complaints that could not be handled through humor. He enjoyed the respect of his family and friends. Twice a day he would offer prayers of gratitude to the Lord. He loved his horse, dog, grandchildren, and sons who worked on the farm with him. He was known for his honesty, kindness, and good nature. By living a good life, by living truthfully, by living true to his conscience, could it be said that he was living free?
In our society, the core question of political, economic, legal and metaphysical philosophy is the question of freedom. It is also an obsession among the general population to be personally free. While this question may not be as important as those presented earlier the freedom question will not go away. So, at this time you might want to reexamine, "How free am I?"
This question and answer that you pose, however, depends on the definition of freedom. Often freedom is associated with the term, "agency", referring to the belief that people are free agents. In the usual way of thinking, refers to having the conditions and opportunity to have choices, to say and do as one pleases. Another definition refers to the ability to make choices. A more profound and deep understanding of freedom has to do with how you live. Are some ways of living the key to being free?
In this last way of defining freedom it is how you live that determines your true and honest experiences of human freedom. Inthe simpilist terms, it is defining freedom as that state of being that occurs when living a life that is congruent with your true nature or conscience. The relevance of this discussion about freedom is that in marriage both husband amd wife often complain of losing their freedom. That complaint has merit according to some of the definitions, but in reality, both marriage partners can experience a more joyful and complete feeling of freedom by living true to their conscience.
The important point to recognize is that in marriage more of the problems, decisions, choices, and opportunities will be about non-material things. It is here that the successful marriage pertner will benefit from taking advantage of the many opportunities to choose and seek a life based on meaningfulness.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Seek A Meaningful Life And Happiness Will Follow
Everyone faces this motivational question. You probably have guessed it by now, but these illustrations and examples introduce a new concept. Here is the next story:
Two beautiful girls graduated from high school and searched for the good life. The responsibilites of parenthood soon fell upon Wilma. The other, named Sue, had a talent for art and design and found she could create, sew, and sell fashoinable clothes to "high- end" and very glamorous people.While Wilma struggled with a marriage, she dedicated her life to her children. After a second divorce with her second husband, she cared for her three children. Meanwhile, Sue had one child, but eventually chose to live unattached by marriage. She associated with a fast crowd, having boyfriends, alcohol, and drugs while living in exotic cities.
Now they are both old and still good friends. Eventually Wilma found that family and religion provided meaning for her life. She is the most cheerful person you could meet, filled with gratitude for the love and respect she recieves daily from her husband and many children, and even grandchildren. Sue, however was motivated more to seek life's pleasures not the meaning of life. Now she has no husband and only a distant son. Her life is hard now and as her beauty slips, she is trying to give up drinking and worries about the lack of sales and the difficulty of sewing with arthritic hands. If you saw them during their early twenties you likely would have concluded that seeking happienss through pleasure was the way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to see at a young age that you can find pleasure from seeking a meaningful life, but not a meaning life through pleasure seeking.
From Freud's Pleasure Principle to B.F.Skinner's Reinforcers The Driving Force in life is said to be hedonistic personal pleasure. It certainly doesn't require a Ph.D. to know that men like pleasure, and like all animals try to avoid pain.
This fundamental truth was known from day one, and requires little time to recognize that each day you spend time trying to do more pleasurable things and want to spend less time doing things whoch are troublesome, painful, annoying and frustrating. This is a true and correct principle. It could be considered a basic law of human behavior.
But we also sometimes know we willingly accept a great dealof pain and difficulties to do something that we might consider meaningful.
One winter, you might have shoveled a neighbor's side walk because you thought it was s good thing to do. At the onset you knew and later it was confirmed that your face and fingers would become cold. You had discomfort of putting on and off your boots, and perhaps you even huffed and puffed, and felt muscle strain while exerting yourself.
An athlete in training experiences pain in physical workout. A father puts up with much unpleasantry working at a butcher shop in order to send his son or daughter to college. It is not hard to find examples of meaning trumping pain and pleasure.
Both living to maximize pleasure and living to find meaning in life and true descriptions of of the human condition. They are opposites, but they both operate in our lives. It is good to live a life of pleasure, even joy, as long as it is a solid and true principle.
The desire to first seek meaning and purpose in life is not meant to destroy or replace the pleasure principle, but it could be seen as a higher law. While both motivations are correct, you must choose for your life whether one or the other is more important. You will eventually choose to guide your life by one or the other. Nothing dooms a marriage faster than building it around each partner's personal pleasure. Each partner will soon find that all too often getting their pleasure takes away or interferes with their partner's way of increasing momentary pleasure. The simple word for this is selfihness. On the other hand, a marriage is unequalled in providing meaning and purpose for living, and especially living for another.
Two beautiful girls graduated from high school and searched for the good life. The responsibilites of parenthood soon fell upon Wilma. The other, named Sue, had a talent for art and design and found she could create, sew, and sell fashoinable clothes to "high- end" and very glamorous people.While Wilma struggled with a marriage, she dedicated her life to her children. After a second divorce with her second husband, she cared for her three children. Meanwhile, Sue had one child, but eventually chose to live unattached by marriage. She associated with a fast crowd, having boyfriends, alcohol, and drugs while living in exotic cities.
Now they are both old and still good friends. Eventually Wilma found that family and religion provided meaning for her life. She is the most cheerful person you could meet, filled with gratitude for the love and respect she recieves daily from her husband and many children, and even grandchildren. Sue, however was motivated more to seek life's pleasures not the meaning of life. Now she has no husband and only a distant son. Her life is hard now and as her beauty slips, she is trying to give up drinking and worries about the lack of sales and the difficulty of sewing with arthritic hands. If you saw them during their early twenties you likely would have concluded that seeking happienss through pleasure was the way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to see at a young age that you can find pleasure from seeking a meaningful life, but not a meaning life through pleasure seeking.
From Freud's Pleasure Principle to B.F.Skinner's Reinforcers The Driving Force in life is said to be hedonistic personal pleasure. It certainly doesn't require a Ph.D. to know that men like pleasure, and like all animals try to avoid pain.
This fundamental truth was known from day one, and requires little time to recognize that each day you spend time trying to do more pleasurable things and want to spend less time doing things whoch are troublesome, painful, annoying and frustrating. This is a true and correct principle. It could be considered a basic law of human behavior.
But we also sometimes know we willingly accept a great dealof pain and difficulties to do something that we might consider meaningful.
One winter, you might have shoveled a neighbor's side walk because you thought it was s good thing to do. At the onset you knew and later it was confirmed that your face and fingers would become cold. You had discomfort of putting on and off your boots, and perhaps you even huffed and puffed, and felt muscle strain while exerting yourself.
An athlete in training experiences pain in physical workout. A father puts up with much unpleasantry working at a butcher shop in order to send his son or daughter to college. It is not hard to find examples of meaning trumping pain and pleasure.
Both living to maximize pleasure and living to find meaning in life and true descriptions of of the human condition. They are opposites, but they both operate in our lives. It is good to live a life of pleasure, even joy, as long as it is a solid and true principle.
The desire to first seek meaning and purpose in life is not meant to destroy or replace the pleasure principle, but it could be seen as a higher law. While both motivations are correct, you must choose for your life whether one or the other is more important. You will eventually choose to guide your life by one or the other. Nothing dooms a marriage faster than building it around each partner's personal pleasure. Each partner will soon find that all too often getting their pleasure takes away or interferes with their partner's way of increasing momentary pleasure. The simple word for this is selfihness. On the other hand, a marriage is unequalled in providing meaning and purpose for living, and especially living for another.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The Conscience Is More Than Social Learning
Throughout
the centuries, references have been made to a conscience. Sometimes it
has been called a moral sensitivity, an inner knowledge. or a voice that
idnetifies right and wrong, the good and bad. In the twentith century,
it has been associated with religion, however, even secular humanists
refer to a conscience; as do political and social theorists. It seems to
be accepted distnct and universal attribute. Perhaps one of hte most
intersting explanations of conscience or something like conscience, has
been made by social biologists. In the writings of E.O. Wilson, the
evolutionary biologist, there is an excellent account of how moral
sensitivity or altruism has a genetic basis and improves reproductive
fitness.
In most cases, the explanations such as those given by the social biologists ans some philosophers refer to something innate and inherited. Conscience is seen as part of the basic makeup of humans.
It was long into the marriage when John discovered that the disputes about right and wrong were misguided activities. When he and Joan decided to change the goal to being good rahter than being right, the disputes seemed to evaporate. The advantage in an argument about right or wrong goes to the person who has hte best debating skills and is the most aggressive in the argument and that was not John.
Now, after John and his wife stopped approaching their disagreements by trying to determine who was right and instead asked each other, "What is the right thing to do?" things changed dramatically. When searching for what was good, John found he was not at a disadvantage. There was no advantage to the best debater, because they appealed to their conscience rather than intellect. Of course, they did not always get the same answer when they listened to their conscience. It was, however, easier to let go of their own position and consider the answer the other found when searching for what was good. This is hard to do when searching for what is right. Thus, if you believe you have a conscience you might as well use it and if you use your conscience you will come to realize how fast many personal disagreements will melt before your eyes when searching foro what it the good thing to do."
For most social psychologists, conscience refers to learning social norms. But, if you define conscience as simply the learning of social morals and taboos, you probably would have naswered this question in the negative because you can dispense with the belief in a conscience and simply explain it as the aquistition of cultural teachings about right and wrong. In philisophical discussions of ethics, something similar to an innate capacity to recognize and know about good and bad, right and wrong is frequently proposed.
So, now you see that it is also important that you come to some conclusion about whether you believe you have a conscience. If you do, then your conscience will become extremely important for becoming the best marriage partner.
In most cases, the explanations such as those given by the social biologists ans some philosophers refer to something innate and inherited. Conscience is seen as part of the basic makeup of humans.
It was long into the marriage when John discovered that the disputes about right and wrong were misguided activities. When he and Joan decided to change the goal to being good rahter than being right, the disputes seemed to evaporate. The advantage in an argument about right or wrong goes to the person who has hte best debating skills and is the most aggressive in the argument and that was not John.
Now, after John and his wife stopped approaching their disagreements by trying to determine who was right and instead asked each other, "What is the right thing to do?" things changed dramatically. When searching for what was good, John found he was not at a disadvantage. There was no advantage to the best debater, because they appealed to their conscience rather than intellect. Of course, they did not always get the same answer when they listened to their conscience. It was, however, easier to let go of their own position and consider the answer the other found when searching for what was good. This is hard to do when searching for what is right. Thus, if you believe you have a conscience you might as well use it and if you use your conscience you will come to realize how fast many personal disagreements will melt before your eyes when searching foro what it the good thing to do."
For most social psychologists, conscience refers to learning social norms. But, if you define conscience as simply the learning of social morals and taboos, you probably would have naswered this question in the negative because you can dispense with the belief in a conscience and simply explain it as the aquistition of cultural teachings about right and wrong. In philisophical discussions of ethics, something similar to an innate capacity to recognize and know about good and bad, right and wrong is frequently proposed.
So, now you see that it is also important that you come to some conclusion about whether you believe you have a conscience. If you do, then your conscience will become extremely important for becoming the best marriage partner.
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