Love Better

Again, as mentioned before, there is no substitute for learning through personal experience. So, let us use your experience to answer questions about marriage. Let us also learn by choosing among alternatives for in almost all things there is and opposite; good and bad, strong and weak, ugly and beautiful, honest and dishonest, true and false. These never- ending differences can lead to oversimplifications, rigidity and dogmatism if approached intellectually. But, truly they cannot be ignored, for opposites constantly appear in life and just a study of any language will show that adjectives have opposites and are essential in making sense of the world. 

There are several ways we can interpret the opposites that we inevitably encounter. We could choose to deny their existence, but obviously, that will not lead to much wisdom. 
   The second approach would be to choose between the opposites, but to qualify our choices by considering where, when, and in what context we make the choice. For example: Is hot better than cold? Is loud better than quiet? Tact better than honesty? Well, you might say to these, "It just depends." It certainly does depend on where, when, and with whom or what you are dealing with. 
   Sometimes we must make a choice and act and at other times, we can choose both of the opposites. For example, in one of the choices you are asked if you think people are free agents, or determined by heredity and environment. The difference or choice is between defined logical opposites, but it is true that sometimes a person could be a free agent and at other times mostly determined by heredity and environment. 

   There are many choices before you regarding your marriage. They include: Should I change others for the better and/or accept others as they are? Is it better to be tolerant and/or to love? Is is better to receive and/or to give service? Should I use high power and/or low power when relating? Is it more important to remember the past and/or to forgive and forget?  Should I use others to help me and/or to help without expecting anything in return? 

   The value of  making choices among opposites is that it leads us to greater learning. At this time, you may still be skeptical about whether you are the best person to make these choices but to give it a try. You will find it more interesting, enjoyable,and more yielding of truth than being told what to believe.