Choosing to be good is the surest way to live free.
This concept is a little hard to explain. However, maybe this true story about a grandfather who lived his whole life on a homestead in Star Valley, Wyoming will help you understand the message I am trying to convene.
Lorenzo was a poor dairy farmer. With little money, and having to milk his cows twice a day, 365 days a year, he hardly had any free time, nor could he afford to do things most men would choose to do. It would seem that his poverty robbed him of what many would consider freedom. Yet, this man was happy, laughed a lot, and had few complaints
that could not be handled through humor. He enjoyed the respect of his
family and friends. Twice a day he would offer prayers of gratitude to
the Lord. He loved his horse, dog, grandchildren, and sons who worked on the farm with him. He was known for his honesty, kindness, and good nature. By living a good life, by living truthfully, by living true to his conscience, could it be said that he was living free?
In our society, the core question of political, economic, legal and metaphysical philosophy is the question of freedom. It is also an obsession among the general population to be personally free. While this question may not be as important as those presented earlier the freedom question will not go away. So, at this time you might want to reexamine, "How free am I?"
This question and answer that you pose, however, depends on the definition of freedom. Often freedom is associated with the term, "agency", referring to the belief that people are free agents. In the usual way of thinking, refers to having the conditions and opportunity to have choices, to say and do as one pleases. Another definition refers to the ability to make choices. A more profound and deep understanding of freedom has to do with how you live. Are some ways of living the key to being free?
In
this last way of defining freedom it is how you live that determines
your true and honest experiences of human freedom. Inthe simpilist
terms, it is defining freedom as that state of being that occurs when living a life that is congruent with your true nature or conscience. The relevance
of this discussion about freedom is that in marriage both husband amd
wife often complain of losing their freedom. That complaint has merit according to some of the definitions, but in reality, both marriage partners can experience a more joyful and complete feeling of freedom by living true to their conscience.
The important point to recognize is that in marriage more of the problems, decisions, choices, and opportunities will be about non-material things. It is here that the successful marriage pertner will benefit from taking advantage of the many opportunities to choose and seek a life based on meaningfulness.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Seek A Meaningful Life And Happiness Will Follow
Everyone faces this motivational question. You probably have guessed it by now, but these illustrations and examples introduce a new concept. Here is the next story:
Two beautiful girls graduated from high school and searched for the good life. The responsibilites of parenthood soon fell upon Wilma. The other, named Sue, had a talent for art and design and found she could create, sew, and sell fashoinable clothes to "high- end" and very glamorous people.While Wilma struggled with a marriage, she dedicated her life to her children. After a second divorce with her second husband, she cared for her three children. Meanwhile, Sue had one child, but eventually chose to live unattached by marriage. She associated with a fast crowd, having boyfriends, alcohol, and drugs while living in exotic cities.
Now they are both old and still good friends. Eventually Wilma found that family and religion provided meaning for her life. She is the most cheerful person you could meet, filled with gratitude for the love and respect she recieves daily from her husband and many children, and even grandchildren. Sue, however was motivated more to seek life's pleasures not the meaning of life. Now she has no husband and only a distant son. Her life is hard now and as her beauty slips, she is trying to give up drinking and worries about the lack of sales and the difficulty of sewing with arthritic hands. If you saw them during their early twenties you likely would have concluded that seeking happienss through pleasure was the way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to see at a young age that you can find pleasure from seeking a meaningful life, but not a meaning life through pleasure seeking.
From Freud's Pleasure Principle to B.F.Skinner's Reinforcers The Driving Force in life is said to be hedonistic personal pleasure. It certainly doesn't require a Ph.D. to know that men like pleasure, and like all animals try to avoid pain.
This fundamental truth was known from day one, and requires little time to recognize that each day you spend time trying to do more pleasurable things and want to spend less time doing things whoch are troublesome, painful, annoying and frustrating. This is a true and correct principle. It could be considered a basic law of human behavior.
But we also sometimes know we willingly accept a great dealof pain and difficulties to do something that we might consider meaningful.
One winter, you might have shoveled a neighbor's side walk because you thought it was s good thing to do. At the onset you knew and later it was confirmed that your face and fingers would become cold. You had discomfort of putting on and off your boots, and perhaps you even huffed and puffed, and felt muscle strain while exerting yourself.
An athlete in training experiences pain in physical workout. A father puts up with much unpleasantry working at a butcher shop in order to send his son or daughter to college. It is not hard to find examples of meaning trumping pain and pleasure.
Both living to maximize pleasure and living to find meaning in life and true descriptions of of the human condition. They are opposites, but they both operate in our lives. It is good to live a life of pleasure, even joy, as long as it is a solid and true principle.
The desire to first seek meaning and purpose in life is not meant to destroy or replace the pleasure principle, but it could be seen as a higher law. While both motivations are correct, you must choose for your life whether one or the other is more important. You will eventually choose to guide your life by one or the other. Nothing dooms a marriage faster than building it around each partner's personal pleasure. Each partner will soon find that all too often getting their pleasure takes away or interferes with their partner's way of increasing momentary pleasure. The simple word for this is selfihness. On the other hand, a marriage is unequalled in providing meaning and purpose for living, and especially living for another.
Two beautiful girls graduated from high school and searched for the good life. The responsibilites of parenthood soon fell upon Wilma. The other, named Sue, had a talent for art and design and found she could create, sew, and sell fashoinable clothes to "high- end" and very glamorous people.While Wilma struggled with a marriage, she dedicated her life to her children. After a second divorce with her second husband, she cared for her three children. Meanwhile, Sue had one child, but eventually chose to live unattached by marriage. She associated with a fast crowd, having boyfriends, alcohol, and drugs while living in exotic cities.
Now they are both old and still good friends. Eventually Wilma found that family and religion provided meaning for her life. She is the most cheerful person you could meet, filled with gratitude for the love and respect she recieves daily from her husband and many children, and even grandchildren. Sue, however was motivated more to seek life's pleasures not the meaning of life. Now she has no husband and only a distant son. Her life is hard now and as her beauty slips, she is trying to give up drinking and worries about the lack of sales and the difficulty of sewing with arthritic hands. If you saw them during their early twenties you likely would have concluded that seeking happienss through pleasure was the way to go. Unfortunately, it is hard to see at a young age that you can find pleasure from seeking a meaningful life, but not a meaning life through pleasure seeking.
From Freud's Pleasure Principle to B.F.Skinner's Reinforcers The Driving Force in life is said to be hedonistic personal pleasure. It certainly doesn't require a Ph.D. to know that men like pleasure, and like all animals try to avoid pain.
This fundamental truth was known from day one, and requires little time to recognize that each day you spend time trying to do more pleasurable things and want to spend less time doing things whoch are troublesome, painful, annoying and frustrating. This is a true and correct principle. It could be considered a basic law of human behavior.
But we also sometimes know we willingly accept a great dealof pain and difficulties to do something that we might consider meaningful.
One winter, you might have shoveled a neighbor's side walk because you thought it was s good thing to do. At the onset you knew and later it was confirmed that your face and fingers would become cold. You had discomfort of putting on and off your boots, and perhaps you even huffed and puffed, and felt muscle strain while exerting yourself.
An athlete in training experiences pain in physical workout. A father puts up with much unpleasantry working at a butcher shop in order to send his son or daughter to college. It is not hard to find examples of meaning trumping pain and pleasure.
Both living to maximize pleasure and living to find meaning in life and true descriptions of of the human condition. They are opposites, but they both operate in our lives. It is good to live a life of pleasure, even joy, as long as it is a solid and true principle.
The desire to first seek meaning and purpose in life is not meant to destroy or replace the pleasure principle, but it could be seen as a higher law. While both motivations are correct, you must choose for your life whether one or the other is more important. You will eventually choose to guide your life by one or the other. Nothing dooms a marriage faster than building it around each partner's personal pleasure. Each partner will soon find that all too often getting their pleasure takes away or interferes with their partner's way of increasing momentary pleasure. The simple word for this is selfihness. On the other hand, a marriage is unequalled in providing meaning and purpose for living, and especially living for another.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The Conscience Is More Than Social Learning
Throughout
the centuries, references have been made to a conscience. Sometimes it
has been called a moral sensitivity, an inner knowledge. or a voice that
idnetifies right and wrong, the good and bad. In the twentith century,
it has been associated with religion, however, even secular humanists
refer to a conscience; as do political and social theorists. It seems to
be accepted distnct and universal attribute. Perhaps one of hte most
intersting explanations of conscience or something like conscience, has
been made by social biologists. In the writings of E.O. Wilson, the
evolutionary biologist, there is an excellent account of how moral
sensitivity or altruism has a genetic basis and improves reproductive
fitness.
In most cases, the explanations such as those given by the social biologists ans some philosophers refer to something innate and inherited. Conscience is seen as part of the basic makeup of humans.
It was long into the marriage when John discovered that the disputes about right and wrong were misguided activities. When he and Joan decided to change the goal to being good rahter than being right, the disputes seemed to evaporate. The advantage in an argument about right or wrong goes to the person who has hte best debating skills and is the most aggressive in the argument and that was not John.
Now, after John and his wife stopped approaching their disagreements by trying to determine who was right and instead asked each other, "What is the right thing to do?" things changed dramatically. When searching for what was good, John found he was not at a disadvantage. There was no advantage to the best debater, because they appealed to their conscience rather than intellect. Of course, they did not always get the same answer when they listened to their conscience. It was, however, easier to let go of their own position and consider the answer the other found when searching for what was good. This is hard to do when searching for what is right. Thus, if you believe you have a conscience you might as well use it and if you use your conscience you will come to realize how fast many personal disagreements will melt before your eyes when searching foro what it the good thing to do."
For most social psychologists, conscience refers to learning social norms. But, if you define conscience as simply the learning of social morals and taboos, you probably would have naswered this question in the negative because you can dispense with the belief in a conscience and simply explain it as the aquistition of cultural teachings about right and wrong. In philisophical discussions of ethics, something similar to an innate capacity to recognize and know about good and bad, right and wrong is frequently proposed.
So, now you see that it is also important that you come to some conclusion about whether you believe you have a conscience. If you do, then your conscience will become extremely important for becoming the best marriage partner.
In most cases, the explanations such as those given by the social biologists ans some philosophers refer to something innate and inherited. Conscience is seen as part of the basic makeup of humans.
It was long into the marriage when John discovered that the disputes about right and wrong were misguided activities. When he and Joan decided to change the goal to being good rahter than being right, the disputes seemed to evaporate. The advantage in an argument about right or wrong goes to the person who has hte best debating skills and is the most aggressive in the argument and that was not John.
Now, after John and his wife stopped approaching their disagreements by trying to determine who was right and instead asked each other, "What is the right thing to do?" things changed dramatically. When searching for what was good, John found he was not at a disadvantage. There was no advantage to the best debater, because they appealed to their conscience rather than intellect. Of course, they did not always get the same answer when they listened to their conscience. It was, however, easier to let go of their own position and consider the answer the other found when searching for what was good. This is hard to do when searching for what is right. Thus, if you believe you have a conscience you might as well use it and if you use your conscience you will come to realize how fast many personal disagreements will melt before your eyes when searching foro what it the good thing to do."
For most social psychologists, conscience refers to learning social norms. But, if you define conscience as simply the learning of social morals and taboos, you probably would have naswered this question in the negative because you can dispense with the belief in a conscience and simply explain it as the aquistition of cultural teachings about right and wrong. In philisophical discussions of ethics, something similar to an innate capacity to recognize and know about good and bad, right and wrong is frequently proposed.
So, now you see that it is also important that you come to some conclusion about whether you believe you have a conscience. If you do, then your conscience will become extremely important for becoming the best marriage partner.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide In Your Marriage
An appeal to conscience is found in all cultures in all times.
An artist can draw a picture of the conscinece sitting on a woman's shoulder, and whispering in her ear. This is a humorous visulization, but, let us hope that it doesn't trivialize this important resource for aquiring truth and knowledge. Maybe we should worry about the impact of the following conversation:
The postmodernist skeptic: So, you claim to be my conscience. Actuyally, you are nothing more than just an emotional reaction mixed with teh things taught while growing up: nothing more.
The conscience: Sorry, but let me help you understand that in all these conversations we are having, you are not just talking to yourself.
The postmodernist: Okay, so you exsist, but why do some people have you and some people don't?
The conscience: I'm there for all. I am with people, however, there is no snse in sticking around if a person won't listen to me. I even leave when a person listens, but consistently choooses to act contrary to what I tell them. Yes, I can see why you would falsely conclude that some poeple don't have a conscience.
The postmodernist: How convenient for you. You disappear when things don't go your way.
The conscience: You don't understand my motives. I want to be with each and every person. My motivation is to stay and not leave. I'm always available, but each person can choose to tune me out. Furthermore, once a person freely chooses to act contrary to what I say, they do not want me to be with them.
The postmodernist: Interesting; just what I thought. Freedom is more powerful than conscience.
Conscience: Yes, but freedom needs conscience more than conscince needs freedom.
At a later point in time, we will discuss about living free and truthful. You may be surprised to learn that living according to your conscience is the only way to truly live free. But, before discussing in more depth it is well known that people through all times and in all place report that they are able to be informed by their conscience. People who recieve this type of guidance most often place it above all other forms knowledge. Some are so trusting and so dedicated to this knowledge, coming from their conscience, that they will forfiet their life rather than violate their conscience. It is rooted in the deepest feelings as well as intellect.
As mentioned, the problem with this kind of knowledge is that it does not give the same answers to all people. Everyone seems to have their own conscience and sometimes listening to one's conscience may cause Person A to flee and Person B to fight. Is there a way to reconcile these opposite responses both based on the conscience?
If you are to trust your own conscience it would be well to understand these contradicitons between what conscience tells different people. Can this problem be resolved?
A most straightforward answer is that what is absolutely right for Person A might be absolutely wrong for Person B, based on the differences in the persons, the time, and the circumstances. This is due to context and is not to be confused with relativism. This does not mean that there is no absolute truth and that all is relative to each person's conscience. It means that each person recieves an assurity that they are acting according tot heir conscience, even though the answer may not be the same as that recieved by someone else. This, indeed, is a complex question. But, to live free you must come to terms with your own conscience, and decide to trust your conscience. Put conscience in the very center of your marriage, but before doing this, more needs to be said about following your conscince.
We will discuss this in next weeks' post.
An artist can draw a picture of the conscinece sitting on a woman's shoulder, and whispering in her ear. This is a humorous visulization, but, let us hope that it doesn't trivialize this important resource for aquiring truth and knowledge. Maybe we should worry about the impact of the following conversation:
The postmodernist skeptic: So, you claim to be my conscience. Actuyally, you are nothing more than just an emotional reaction mixed with teh things taught while growing up: nothing more.
The conscience: Sorry, but let me help you understand that in all these conversations we are having, you are not just talking to yourself.
The postmodernist: Okay, so you exsist, but why do some people have you and some people don't?
The conscience: I'm there for all. I am with people, however, there is no snse in sticking around if a person won't listen to me. I even leave when a person listens, but consistently choooses to act contrary to what I tell them. Yes, I can see why you would falsely conclude that some poeple don't have a conscience.
The postmodernist: How convenient for you. You disappear when things don't go your way.
The conscience: You don't understand my motives. I want to be with each and every person. My motivation is to stay and not leave. I'm always available, but each person can choose to tune me out. Furthermore, once a person freely chooses to act contrary to what I say, they do not want me to be with them.
The postmodernist: Interesting; just what I thought. Freedom is more powerful than conscience.
Conscience: Yes, but freedom needs conscience more than conscince needs freedom.
At a later point in time, we will discuss about living free and truthful. You may be surprised to learn that living according to your conscience is the only way to truly live free. But, before discussing in more depth it is well known that people through all times and in all place report that they are able to be informed by their conscience. People who recieve this type of guidance most often place it above all other forms knowledge. Some are so trusting and so dedicated to this knowledge, coming from their conscience, that they will forfiet their life rather than violate their conscience. It is rooted in the deepest feelings as well as intellect.
As mentioned, the problem with this kind of knowledge is that it does not give the same answers to all people. Everyone seems to have their own conscience and sometimes listening to one's conscience may cause Person A to flee and Person B to fight. Is there a way to reconcile these opposite responses both based on the conscience?
If you are to trust your own conscience it would be well to understand these contradicitons between what conscience tells different people. Can this problem be resolved?
A most straightforward answer is that what is absolutely right for Person A might be absolutely wrong for Person B, based on the differences in the persons, the time, and the circumstances. This is due to context and is not to be confused with relativism. This does not mean that there is no absolute truth and that all is relative to each person's conscience. It means that each person recieves an assurity that they are acting according tot heir conscience, even though the answer may not be the same as that recieved by someone else. This, indeed, is a complex question. But, to live free you must come to terms with your own conscience, and decide to trust your conscience. Put conscience in the very center of your marriage, but before doing this, more needs to be said about following your conscince.
We will discuss this in next weeks' post.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Subjective and Objective Truths
"Life's meanings come from subjective as well as objective truths."
Professor Jensen encountered this kinid of knowledge when studying hte easrly existentialists, Martin Heidigger (1889-1976) and Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1885) in a seminar with graduate students.
These early existentialists, who are known as deep thinkers, talk in complicated ways about the most simplest things. These two existentialsists have helped scholars realize that there is a different way to view the world and to gain knowledge. There is a subjective type of knowing that is more fundamental, than a scientific analysis of what Kierkegaard calls objective truth.
This experimental type of know is for Heidigger, the most important way to find meaning in both material objects and ourselves.
So, for students who want, need and maybe demand an academic base for this, we will use this insight from existential philosophy.
Existentialism is concerned with both the nature of knowing and also the nature of being a person.
Now, also consider what is probably the most profound statement ever made by a philosopher. It was set forth as the foundation of his work by the father of philosophy, Rene Descartes (1596-1640).
He was searching for the one truth about which a person can be absolutely certain. His conclusion was that he knew for certain, that he existed. In other words, one can only be certain of one's own existence. Thus his famous statement, "I think therefore I am". Even a child knows this to be true. First we accept that we exist, and then we explore what we become.
"Know thyself", "To thine own self be true", "Just be yourself", are a sampling of advice you have undoubtedly heard. Why must you consciously work to accomplish the obvious? Who else could you be, and aren't you always aware of just who you are.
Who else would you know you better than yourself? For are you not with yourself 24 hours each day and everyday? Maybe it is easier to understand the popularity og these sayings if you remember the popular phrase, "The unexamined life is not worth living!"
The conclusion to all this is that to be the best possible marriage partner, friend, person you can be, you must know "What are we?" Then, use the most sensible and appropriate methods to understand the illusive and hard to observe spirit of your partner. Omitted is an even more important way to respond to the spirit of the one you love.
Professor Jensen encountered this kinid of knowledge when studying hte easrly existentialists, Martin Heidigger (1889-1976) and Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1885) in a seminar with graduate students.
These early existentialists, who are known as deep thinkers, talk in complicated ways about the most simplest things. These two existentialsists have helped scholars realize that there is a different way to view the world and to gain knowledge. There is a subjective type of knowing that is more fundamental, than a scientific analysis of what Kierkegaard calls objective truth.
This experimental type of know is for Heidigger, the most important way to find meaning in both material objects and ourselves.
So, for students who want, need and maybe demand an academic base for this, we will use this insight from existential philosophy.
Existentialism is concerned with both the nature of knowing and also the nature of being a person.
Now, also consider what is probably the most profound statement ever made by a philosopher. It was set forth as the foundation of his work by the father of philosophy, Rene Descartes (1596-1640).
He was searching for the one truth about which a person can be absolutely certain. His conclusion was that he knew for certain, that he existed. In other words, one can only be certain of one's own existence. Thus his famous statement, "I think therefore I am". Even a child knows this to be true. First we accept that we exist, and then we explore what we become.
"Know thyself", "To thine own self be true", "Just be yourself", are a sampling of advice you have undoubtedly heard. Why must you consciously work to accomplish the obvious? Who else could you be, and aren't you always aware of just who you are.
Who else would you know you better than yourself? For are you not with yourself 24 hours each day and everyday? Maybe it is easier to understand the popularity og these sayings if you remember the popular phrase, "The unexamined life is not worth living!"
The conclusion to all this is that to be the best possible marriage partner, friend, person you can be, you must know "What are we?" Then, use the most sensible and appropriate methods to understand the illusive and hard to observe spirit of your partner. Omitted is an even more important way to respond to the spirit of the one you love.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Experimental Learning
At
one point in time, Professor Jensen was helping one of his students
find a journal were they could submit research. He was surprised to find
one called, "The Journal Of Experimental Education". After he published
the article, he realized that this kind of learning is the basis of
what we refer to as common sense. It is important to call this learning
to your attention. It should not be overlooked.
Same daughter: Mom, how much help were those books you read and the classes?
Same mother: Of course they helped but, experience or learning from day to day has proven to be the most valuable kind of learning.
Do you think there were no good parents or marriage partners before there were classes and books on understanding each other?
Daughter: But, is this kind of learning reliable and valid?
Mother: Well, thousands each day make life and death decisions based on this kind of knowledge ans do so with equal or more confidence than decisions based on academic information. I use this knowledge first and even doubt other information if it is not in harmony or consistent with what I know from my years of experience.
Daughter: Do you think that what you said is a little self aggrandizing?
Mother: Now that you mention it, yes, it sounds that way. Sorry, but wasn't it you who told me that Dad thought I understood him best? I never found your dad in anything I read!
There is a kind of knowledge which comes from experimental living. This is the living we do from infancy to death. We live and interact with people. We learn from meeting them and accepting them in a way which they become part of our experiential world.
Experiential refers to the way that we interpret everyday objects. events, and people as they appear and as they present themselves to us. This is definitely informational learning. Perhaps it is the most important type of learning that brings about an understanding of others and our self.
In addition tot he direct experiential living we have, one on one with the objects of the world and other people there are interactions with the knowledge and truth statements that exists in our culture. Here we find information by reading literature,listening to wise people, reflecting and introspecting on our daily observations, paying attention to our traditions, recalling and observing interactions of people with each other, reading, religious practices and instruction, and all the other ways we learn in our jobs, schools, churches, and private lives.
These interactions and learning gradually accumulate to tell us much about who we are and the people we live with. We come to know individuals directly, but we also acquire certain abstractions and concepts about people in general. Some of us are much better attuned, interested, and intellectually capable of benefiting from this kind of learning, and usually such people share what they have learned. Thus we learn from one another and from our own experiences a type of truth and knowledge which is unequaled and irreplaceable for optimal understanding in your marriage.
Same daughter: Mom, how much help were those books you read and the classes?
Same mother: Of course they helped but, experience or learning from day to day has proven to be the most valuable kind of learning.
Do you think there were no good parents or marriage partners before there were classes and books on understanding each other?
Daughter: But, is this kind of learning reliable and valid?
Mother: Well, thousands each day make life and death decisions based on this kind of knowledge ans do so with equal or more confidence than decisions based on academic information. I use this knowledge first and even doubt other information if it is not in harmony or consistent with what I know from my years of experience.
Daughter: Do you think that what you said is a little self aggrandizing?
Mother: Now that you mention it, yes, it sounds that way. Sorry, but wasn't it you who told me that Dad thought I understood him best? I never found your dad in anything I read!
There is a kind of knowledge which comes from experimental living. This is the living we do from infancy to death. We live and interact with people. We learn from meeting them and accepting them in a way which they become part of our experiential world.
Experiential refers to the way that we interpret everyday objects. events, and people as they appear and as they present themselves to us. This is definitely informational learning. Perhaps it is the most important type of learning that brings about an understanding of others and our self.
In addition tot he direct experiential living we have, one on one with the objects of the world and other people there are interactions with the knowledge and truth statements that exists in our culture. Here we find information by reading literature,listening to wise people, reflecting and introspecting on our daily observations, paying attention to our traditions, recalling and observing interactions of people with each other, reading, religious practices and instruction, and all the other ways we learn in our jobs, schools, churches, and private lives.
These interactions and learning gradually accumulate to tell us much about who we are and the people we live with. We come to know individuals directly, but we also acquire certain abstractions and concepts about people in general. Some of us are much better attuned, interested, and intellectually capable of benefiting from this kind of learning, and usually such people share what they have learned. Thus we learn from one another and from our own experiences a type of truth and knowledge which is unequaled and irreplaceable for optimal understanding in your marriage.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Loving Service
As I have mentioned in prior writings, we have established that we are not static electricity randomly "floating" through space and time. We all have a soul, or a spirit and we all have individual value with more substance than just being placed here. Agreeing with this or knowing this can further help us understand each other and our spouses or loved ones in greater depth. In keeping with this topic and while reading the following, keep that in mind.
Here is a story that has taken many times, many places, in different languages and cultures. The issues, surroundings of the individuals might change, but the message will remain the same.
Daughter: Dad said you understand him better than anyone in his life. How do you do it? In fact, you understand me better than anyone else. Mom, what is your secret? Tell me how you do it.
Mother: Well first, you should realize that there are many ways and I use them all. But, there is one way that is a sure thing. By far it is the best way.
Daughter: Well, tell me, but first, let me get a pen. I want to write it all down.
Mother: A pen isn't necessary, in fact it is so simple and basic, but many people don't think about it. If you could sum up understanding someone into one word, it would be "Service". In one sentence, I would say, "Begin each day with your spouse with loving service".
Daughter: Do you have plans and goals when you do this?
Mother: Oh, no, nothing like that. It is almost like happiness. If you seek happiness, it will elude you. However, if you live right, happiness will find you. So it is with loving service. When you serve another person you just come to know that person in a way that can not be equaled.
Daughter: Maybe that is why so many wives understand their husbands better more than they are understood by their husbands.
Mother: (chuckle) That is a humorous way of looking at it. But the principle also works with for the men whom I have met. When they care, help, and see their lives as being the the service of their families, they become men with more understanding. You naturally come to understand those whom you serve.
When students are asked, "Who knows you best?", they do not say, "My Therapist." Usually they say, "My mom", and secondly they say, "My dad". The mother and the father are examples of someone who has served them, loved them, or has shared their life with them first. They are not the people who are particularly astute in knowing laws and abstractions about human behavior. They are people who have lived, worked, loved, and shared a world together. How artificial is it to try to understand someone else in an office. To best understand another person, you need to do things together like: eat, work on a job, share stories, take care of one another when sick, and live with them in a loving, serving and unselfish way. Does this not sound like marriage? Does this not tell you about another way to truly understand people, especially those who you love the most? This conclusion is just the opposite of what we usually think is the way to precede with helping and understanding.
Here is a story that has taken many times, many places, in different languages and cultures. The issues, surroundings of the individuals might change, but the message will remain the same.
Daughter: Dad said you understand him better than anyone in his life. How do you do it? In fact, you understand me better than anyone else. Mom, what is your secret? Tell me how you do it.
Mother: Well first, you should realize that there are many ways and I use them all. But, there is one way that is a sure thing. By far it is the best way.
Daughter: Well, tell me, but first, let me get a pen. I want to write it all down.
Mother: A pen isn't necessary, in fact it is so simple and basic, but many people don't think about it. If you could sum up understanding someone into one word, it would be "Service". In one sentence, I would say, "Begin each day with your spouse with loving service".
Daughter: Do you have plans and goals when you do this?
Mother: Oh, no, nothing like that. It is almost like happiness. If you seek happiness, it will elude you. However, if you live right, happiness will find you. So it is with loving service. When you serve another person you just come to know that person in a way that can not be equaled.
Daughter: Maybe that is why so many wives understand their husbands better more than they are understood by their husbands.
Mother: (chuckle) That is a humorous way of looking at it. But the principle also works with for the men whom I have met. When they care, help, and see their lives as being the the service of their families, they become men with more understanding. You naturally come to understand those whom you serve.
When students are asked, "Who knows you best?", they do not say, "My Therapist." Usually they say, "My mom", and secondly they say, "My dad". The mother and the father are examples of someone who has served them, loved them, or has shared their life with them first. They are not the people who are particularly astute in knowing laws and abstractions about human behavior. They are people who have lived, worked, loved, and shared a world together. How artificial is it to try to understand someone else in an office. To best understand another person, you need to do things together like: eat, work on a job, share stories, take care of one another when sick, and live with them in a loving, serving and unselfish way. Does this not sound like marriage? Does this not tell you about another way to truly understand people, especially those who you love the most? This conclusion is just the opposite of what we usually think is the way to precede with helping and understanding.
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